HALLOWEEN GREETINGS FROM TERRIBLELAND

Happy Halloween eve everybody! Hope you all have a fun evening of gorging on candy and satanic ritual sacrifice planned- we sure do. Halloween is the time of year when we here at EIT gather together and give thanks for the things that really matter, like the redemption of failed comedians in the afterlife...



...and grindhouse horror trailers. Here are some of my personal favorites:

GOOD FOR YOUR HEART, GOOD FOR YOUR PENIS

Today's hunk of junk is actually a bit serious, and is something Commodore Gilgamesh deals with every day of his life. From our EIT travels around the country, I am now positive that our audience consists of attractive, white males in their late 50's, with massive penis problems. It's honestly all they talk about! I also know that the teeny-tiny percent of women readers are here only to find new and erotic ways to entice their man after a hard days work. Well today's your lucky day!

Oh yeah, this is probably NSFYB (Not Safe For Yer Boner!)



And just in case any of you are having megabyte hard drive problems with your cyber-netting stuff, check out the video HERE.

THE REVO STYLER

CAT MASSAGE UPDATE

Some people have asked us where we found "Your Cat Wants a Massage!" and one of those people just happened to be Maryjean Ballner, the loving-genius who created this masterpiece in 1998.



Maryjean contacted EIT recently to let us know that she saw our little mash-up on television... and that she is a big fan of our work! "It's hilarious!" she said. "Bang-up job"

Maryjean liked our compilation so much, she is even sending us a copy of her follow-up video, "Dog Massage", so we can make a sequel.

As you know, we don't get celebrity endorsements often, so when we do, we don't take them lightly. Especially when they come from a copyright-holder with a sense of humor and a heart of gold. We love you Maryjean!

Please visit Maryjean's site www.catmassage.com to buy the full-length version of Cat Massage (you can even get it dubbed in German) and many other wonderful products.

And for those of you living under a rock: here's the post that started this beautiful relationship.

A VERY DUMB VIDEO ALL ABOUT...

Here are a few more examples: dog and log or rake and shake or now and plow or house and mouse or tree and ghee or noose and goose or 666 and 666. I think that is all of them.

THANKS BOOBS!

Our new friend Boobs over at the website Gordon Gartrelle sent us this kick ass music video using some of our kick ass clips. Real nice going boobs, real nice.

IT'S A BAD BAD BAD BAD NOIR

Only through the magic of VHS can you win $100,000 by subjecting yourself to a soft boiled mystery multiple times.

PRO WRESTLERS OR RENAISSANCE MEN?

T.G.I.F., am I right?

Since the big-bosses are in New York City and I've got the whole E.I.T. office to myself, I've decided to do nothing but: a) park in Commodore's 'precious' handicapped spot; b) spin myself sick in Ghoul Skool's chair; and c) post uncut music videos by professional wrestlers.

I now present Macho Man Randy Savage 'rapping' "Straight from the Heart"


And finally, Hacksaw Jim Duggan's "U.S.A." (also known as the inspiration for Fox News)

HAVE WE MENTIONED WE WILL BE IN NYC THIS WEEKEND?

HANGIN' WITH LEO!

Long before celebrities got their publicity from televised fake dating shows, fitness clubs and fat-offs, the only way Johnny Public could feel close to their favorite stars was for some Bob Woodward-type crack-journalist to assemble a hard-hitting documentary, secretly filmed from the inside of a paper bag and put it out there for the public to gobble up. Here's the inside scoop on our favorite heart-throb Leo "the Lion" Dicaprio.

THE TIME HAS COME...

*Video courtesy of Chicago David!

October 24 @ 10 pm
CMJ's L'asso Pizza Party!
Collective Hardware (169 Bowery Ave.)
The RSVP is now closed. HOWEVER, you can still get in if you come early. CMJ badgeholders/RSVPers get in first but they will let non-badgeholders in.
Make sure you come early and catch Greg Barris' The Heart of Darkness @ 8PM!

AND!

October 25 @ 6:30 pm
Magnet Theater (254 W. 29th St.)
MAKE RESERVATIONS!!! CALL: 212-244-8824
More info here!

If you can't make it out to the shows, The DVD is back in stock at Blue Door Video, 87 1st Ave, in Manhattan for the low price of $15.

INTERNET FOR KIDZ!

These guys make the internet seem pretty cool.

SEDUCTION 102

So, you've practiced all the moves in Smooching for Dummies but you still can't find a live human being to make out with. Well, once again EIT is here to save the day! Watch this lesson from the Tommy Wiseau school of seduction and you'll be caressing her thighs on satin sheets in no time.

HATE SPEECH WAS FUNNY IN THE 80S

Thanks to Odd Obsession Video.

EIT! IS COMING TO NEW YORK!!!

Here is a taste of our show last Friday at the Music Box! Thanks Chicago!

New York City, you're next!

October 24 @ 10 pm
CMJ's L'asso Pizza Party!
Collective Hardware (169 Bowery Ave.)
RSVP here!
Make sure you come early and catch Greg Barris' The Heart of Darkness @ 8PM, without him we would not have had this show!

AND!

October 25 @ 6:30 pm
Magnet Theater (254 W. 29th St.)
MAKE RESERVATIONS!!! CALL: 212-244-8824
More info here!
Posters by Dimitri Simakis & Dimitri Drjuchin

MAXIMUM DOLPH!

Don't you want to be like Dolph? Of course you don't.



Special thanks to Odd Obsession, Commodore Gilgamesh, and Defenestrator III: On Broken Glass.

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO THE FUTURE

No seriously, this should be all you need to know about the future, it's a complete guide. These two knuckleheads can't wait for everything to be terrible so they can be on the first UFO to heaven.

HOW TO GET BEAT UP WORSE THAN BEFORE

This is a great self-help video teaching you how to become 'Bully Smart:' A surefire success for teaching bullies new and innovative ways in beating the living shit out of you after you temporarily stun them. To be honest, you probably had it coming anyhow.

Sorry for all the buzzing sounds. Oh, VHS!

THE 4-MINUTE LORDS OF MAGICK!

Honestly, the best movie I saw this year.

Thanks Odd Obsession!

YOU AND GOD MAKE A CUTE COUPLE

Why date a stupid teenager when you can date God?

LET US SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL...

Over the last year, we've been contacted by hundreds of supposed Duanes! and we are fed up with it all. We want Duane! and we want Duane! now! This Friday, at the Music Box Theatre at 10:30 PM, could the real Duane please step forward? If you do not, I cannot say what Ghoul Skool will do...



(Duane, you should probably buy your ticket pre-sale, so you can get a seat)

SNOGGING 101

Is your pillow getting damp and clammy at night? Tired of your hand being your only makeout partner?* Then Smooching for Dummies is for you!



*WARNING: Smooching for Dummies does not guarantee that you will find an actual human being to make out with you.

SEE YOU THERE, HOT DOGS

Chicago! Michael Jordan! Al Capone! Bang bang!



After the show is a special screening of one of our favorite flams of all time,
'7 LUCKY NINJA KIDS!'

If this doesn't wet your whistle, then I don't know what will...

IMPERIALISM! FOR KIDZ!

Kidz! are coming to the land of resorts and hell is coming with them.

SERIOUSLY SOME EARLY 90S RAP BLOWS DUDE

Wow, rap sure has been dead a long time.

PROP COMEDY IS HARD

The Beanie King returns, reincarnated as the Billy Bob Teeth King. This guy is my hero.

EIT ON CHIC-A-GO-GO!

Last week, EIT's Chicago chapter got to realize a dream by appearing on Chic-a-go-go, Chicago's longest running cable access dance show for kids!! Thanks to Ratso the rat puppet for the interview:


We even got to back up America's preeminent soul bagpipe player, Honey Blo!

CHRISTIAN ID PUPPET SEEKS LOVE

BECOME CONFUSED WITH OMAR SHARIF

Granted, I know absolutely nothing about cards, but if playing bridge is the only way to spend a week with Omar and his VCR on a gambling yacht, I will learn.

THE ROCK CATS!

The critically acclaimed Rock Cats!, Chicago's only trained domestic cat band, have just been added to the Music Box show! Watch them here! This is seriously going to be the greatest show of all time.

Buy your tickets now before it is too late!