MICROWAVING RADIOACTIVE SALMONELLA FOR YOUR HOLIDAY FEAST!

MICROWAVE COOKING FOR ONE

MIRACLE WATER!

THE SECRETS TO WEALTH

How do you spot a smooth talking demon?

DANTE'S TV TRIP XII

1-900-786-PALS

Our west coast tour is coming sooooo soon! R u ready? Tickets are on sale now for our 6/6 show in Tucson! GET EM HERE!

REMOTE CONTROL MAGIC VI

Remote Control Magic: The Movie is now available on DVD through DanteFontana.com. Buy it today and begin THE SUPER NEW YOU!

KOMMERCIAL KORNER

SPEED READING SEMINAR

Stop reading books the regular way!

THERE'S GOTTA BE A BETTER WAY!

Short, blind and bad at boiling eggs? There's gotta be a better way!

MACHINE GUNS ARE(N'T) FOR EVERYONE

Hey all you Seattle Sea-Dawgs! Don't forget to check out DoggieWoggiez! PoochieWoochiez! at Central Cinema tonight! And if you can't make it to the 7pm showing, there is an encore showing at 10pm! Check it out on Facebook and buy your tickets in advance at Central Cinema!

WHO ARE WE?

A collection of commercials recorded during tv court shows. Who are we? Now that’s us. And I don’t have to stab my fingertips anymore.



Courtesy of the Aaron Valdez Collection. You can see more at Wreck & Salvage and Hard Stars!

All Dogs Go On Tour! keeps on trucking tonight in Columbia, MO at Ragtag Cinema at 9:45 PM! Buy tickets here!

FLOWBEES & ENCOURAGERS

We missed these two from Rich Juzwiak of fourfour last year, but luckily they still resonate with today's modern audience. Enjoy!

ADD SPRINKLES, LOSE WEIGHT

But how does it work again?

EARN YOUR GET RICH DEGREE TODAY!

WINCHESTER, VA! THE QUEST FOR THE MAGICK CRYSTAL CONTINUES TONIGHT AT 10PM AT THE ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE CINEMA!

MICROWAVE HELL

LET'S GET GRIFTED

The whole tape is like this. Just a bunch of assholes lying about some product (?) called IDN. It's some sort of nutritional supplement company from the 90's, and I believe they have since been chased by the government for fraud or something. Love that cowboy, though.

THIS WHITE DRESS SHIRT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

THE REVO STYLER

INFOMERCIAL HELL

Big thanks to our new friends over at Funny or Die. Go vote on this video so we don't die!

INFOMERICAL SCIENTISTS HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!

Wish real life looked as good as your TV? Finally there are sunglasses that make things brighter!



And who needs medicine when you can have a vibrator strapped to your head!



Wait, we can still pop pills even with the Headache Stopper, right?

IT'S HARD BEING A SMOKER!

Phillip Morris is your only true friend.

IMAGE BY DESIGN

Branding is good for you.

THEY STILL MAKE 'EM LIKE THEY USED TO

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR means it's time for eggs!



Finally there's a cross you can hold uncomfortably close to your eyeball!

PEOPLE ARE LIKE TREES...

...in that we poop toxins out of our feet!

T LOVES CRISP, CRUNCHY CRUSTS!

Poor Mr. T. How long must you pity fools for money?



More Mr. T here.

GO INTO BUSINESS FOR YOURSELF...FOR KEVIN TRUDEAU

I'm sure many of you out in Terribleland are somewhat familiar with Kevin Trudeau, the prolific infomercial sleaze factory. But did you know that:
- In 1990, Trudeau posed as a doctor in order to deposit $80,000 in false checks, and in 1991 he pleaded guilty to larceny. Trudeau had used the credit cards of eleven customers of a mega memory product to fraudulently charge approximately $122,735.68.
- After serving time for criminal activity in the early 1990s, Trudeau partnered with his former cellmate, and they joined Nutrition for Life, a multi-level marketing firm.
- In October 2008, Trudeau was fined more than $5 million and banned from infomercials for three years for making fraudulent claims.
- Kevin Trudeau thinks you are stupid:



The saddest part is that I found this tape at a public library.

THE COIN OF CHANGE

It's agiftable!

THE FIRST ZILLION IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST

In these tough economic times, it's important to remember how people used to lose all their money in the good old days: pointless internet companies.



And now a depressing example of a poor go-getter climbing that opportunity ladder to nowhere.

CASH FLOW GENERATOR

This is old news to the Future Schlock faithful, but until now, there was no other version of this on the innernette.

HOW'S YOUR BOWELS?

A couple weeks ago, I turned on my television to find this little freak trying to sell me some detox product. Sick. Also, is it just me, or does this guy look like an overcooked John Waters?

IT'S INFOMERCIAL DAY AT EIT!

Say what you will about the withered souls of infomercial producers, but they sure do know who watches paid programming at 3 am:

stupid people,


girls with low self-esteem (and the creepy men who prefer them that way),



and budding serial killers.


Oh, and, uhm, us.

VITA-MIX

"Catch the vision"

WE HAVE MALLS! WE HAVE...AIRPORTS!

Freshly uploaded from a late night infomercial...what time and channel, I have no idea, but that's how it goes.

This is exactly the kind of place that turns kids into vampire serial killers.

USA!USA!USA!USA!

HAWAII CHAIR!

Thanks to Joel for this one. Honestly, imagine sitting next to someone at the office in this thing. I have a feeling this is louder than a lawnmower.