Wednesday, October 14, 2009

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO THE FUTURE

No seriously, this should be all you need to know about the future, it's a complete guide. These two knuckleheads can't wait for everything to be terrible so they can be on the first UFO to heaven.

46 comments :

David said...

We better not laugh at that now with robits and talking robits!

Greg said...

i hope jesus gives me a brain so i can blow my brain out.

Krampus said...

May god bless YOU if you sit through 10 hours of his revelation tapes to find the funny parts.

Destination A Go-Go said...

Ranger.

.....hats off to you sir.

Doctor-to-Be said...

I wonder if it was prophesized that those two would sport hairdos that look like cheap plastic for all of eternity!

airport.whiskey said...

I fuckin' love that show!

Anonymous said...

Rowbuts.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Houston Houston! God is not an abortionist.

I want my glorified body NOW!

Anonymous said...

I don't know about you chumps, but I got my glorified body last week.

Heather said...

The intro to this video promised me that The Future would look like Tron. I am very disappointed in you, Future.

Heather said...

Oh, beryllium! *shakes head*

Heather said...

"Will my pets be taken in the Rapture?" Everything but ferrets.

therandomizer said...

Many theories but the wrong theories. You got that right.

The fact that they refer to the Chinese as orientals betrays their right wingness.

BuckWheat said...

i was buyin' what this guy was sellin' until he said "ro-butts." He's clearly Satan and cannot be trusted.

-ROMANS 2:25

Anonymous said...

"And we zip through space... Past the astronauts, and I can just see them, 'Houston! Houston!' And then we'll be like 'See ya later, butt-horns, it's rapture time!'"

Anonymous said...

I think that's the same woman from the Left Behind video. The one who says "left behind? I don't wanna be left behind. What are they talking about?" Is she a powerful Christian figure or something? of course she is...

Heather said...

Note to self: remember to say, "See you later, butt-horns!" at Rapture time.

licoricepirate said...

robuttz

Anonymous said...

You see the pauses


















































are there for him to concentrate on containing his laughter from all the bs he's shoveling at us.

Cyber-Pyro said...

wow.... i see these guys on every night. it's great to see old clips of them. beware the year 2000!

Anonymous said...

Don't you just love how Christians can't wait until this "rapture" when everyone else but them is destroyed? Better yet, they can't wait for it. What a warm, fuzzy thought.

TVarmy said...

Hmm, the unborn will be with their mothers? That'll be really awkward, and sounds like a good episode of Maury.

Anonymous said...

No to sound like some major science geek here (cuz I'm not), but I thought there wasnt much friction or heat in outspace. Plenty of butthorns, tho.

Mandi said...

Jack Van Impe is awesome as hell, and I am dead jealous that you have one of their tapes. Rexella is awesome too.

Their show is crazy, but it's funny. :)

Anonymous said...

"jews" lol

Anonymous said...

I just had a seizure because of ROBUTS

Andrew said...

Jack must be so fed up by now.

DAMMIT! Why hasn't the world ended?

Dillrod said...

An oriental army?

Muffin said...

i love you guys so much. so, so much.

Anonymous said...

I see rowbutts.

Brian said...

Rowbutts! I've watched this repeatedly.

7christian said...

Will my glorified body have a bellybutton?

Nitocris said...

I grew up with my parents watching this awful crap whenever it came on. I hated it then and I hate it even more now; it's nothing more than Van Impe getting a raging boner at the thought of seeing the world in flames. Anyone who takes him and his wife seriously has an incredible sickness of the mind.

sarah e. f. said...

his hair is hypnotic.

Paulo said...

I love these guys even though they're sort of terrifying. I actually mentioned them in a blog post a while back. My favorite part of their show is where Rexella reads news headlines from different sources in non-chronological order and without any context.

I had no idea they had been on this long.

skeptifem said...

I used to watch this show, it was awesome. Roxella or whatever her weird name is would read some seemingly random newspaper story and the dude would explain why it means the rapture is coming in the next year or so. Then they would hawk some random vhs tape or cheap merchandise they came across. They got a shitload of old school electronic bibles that they couldn't seem to get rid of, and were selling videos that had something to do with a new world order and hiter for a long time too.



Also wtf, god is so an abortionist. What is that verse about cutting open pregnant womens bellies? And yeah, killing all the first born in Egypt was pretty fucked up. All the fertilized eggs that never implant and the huge number of genetically weird spontaneous abortions that occur before the pregnancy is recognized would be gods fault too.

Tim said...

God chose Jack to receive unto him Gary Oldman's hair from 'Dracula'.

Daphne Mohajer-Va-Pesaran said...

but..I dont want a new glorious body.....unless it can make fruitrollups

Anonymous said...

OMFG HE SAID THAT THE BIBLE PROPHECIES HAVE BEEN 100% TRUE! ITS GONNA HAPPEN BY 2000AD! WE ARE ALL GONNA BURN IN HELL IN NEGATIVE-TEN YEARS!

Anonymous said...

God Rexella is such a clueless ditz.

Strelnikov said...

Ah yes, the one and only jack van Impe and his space-cadet wife Rexella (though the irony is now that Jack is soft in the head and Rexella does most of the speaking.) They are the Gobots to Jim and Tammy's Transformers....

But at least they weren't nailed doing fake faith healings like that subhumanoid slime Peter Popoff!

Lubin said...

That Special Announcement was brought to you by Richard Dawkins.

Bronwen said...

I just picked up a VHS called "Apocalypse" and the female protagonist became very inspired by watching Jack Van Impe tapes. Look out for movies by Prophecy Partners, one of them even has Mr. T. That's right.

Anonymous said...

Cripes, what is it about that guy's haircut? It's like you see that haircut and just KNOW what's coming.

mangle jangles said...

Finally, now everyone can understand what I see when Rexella Van Impe is on the television. ~shudder~

mangle jangles said...

REXELLAAAAAAAAAAAAA