HUMANITY'S FUTURE PAST!

ULTIMATE PASSIVE AGGRESSION

I hope you're happy now.

HOW TO USE A PHONE!

DOLPH VS DOLPHIN!

Tickets are on sale now for our 6/3 show in Denver! GET EM HERE!

3-minute T-FORCE

Video courtesy of BrEAD HaSt!

Our tour starts tomorrow in Denton at Campus Theatre at 11pm!!! Be there!!!!

HEALTH NUTZ

The Sadist knows how to eat!

CAPTAIN POWER STRIKES BACK!

Courtesy of the Sadist Collection! 

Tickets just went on sale for our 12/11 Orlando show at Will's Pub! BUY EM WHILE YOU CAN!

CHANNEL 2020 TRAILER!

We are teaming up with the crew from IFC's Food Party to bring you the future of TV! Get ready for some post-apocalyptic belly laughs as we follow our bumbling reptilian overlords as they go about their scaley business trying to run the world! Please go to our new Kickstarter page to help us make tomorrow's future today!

THE FUTURE MAP OF THE UNITED STATES

Cartographers ain't what they used to be.

WHO NEEDS FILM SCHOOL?

Character development and coherent storylines are for losers! Just ask this guy!




Detroit! Join our friends at Detroit's own Corktown Cinema for DoggieWoggiezPoochieWoochiez TONIGHT at 9, motorscooters!

BEFORE THE INTERNET THERE WAS...

R.I.P. 2011: REM LEZAR

Some of my favs from the year:

Ex-San Diego Charger Miles Mcpherson asks his students to ask, and then ridicules them if they don't agree with his answer:


Boyd made me feel true loneliness:


The Central Organization of Police Specialists teamed up with criminals to tell us all about what must easily be the most addictive psychedelic of all time:


Had to throw this one in for the holiday season as it contains the best "Jingle Bells" rendition ever:


And with 2012 almost upon us, don't forget to take heed of this dated "timeless" message:


Thanks for all yer support folks! Oh and those shoes weren't magic at all, we only told you that to give you confidence! The real magic was inside of YOU this whole time!

JOIN US FOR A GRAND EXPERIMENT!

Chicago - come join all of my best homies and I at the Hungry Brain tonight for a good old fashioned extravaganza of weirdo puppetry, dance, music and digital video. Join the social experiment - free for all to attend - with the puppetry of DavyK and Friends, dance stylings of the Farm Boiz, hot-n-fresh videos from my new side project, Dronegardenz Video Viewfinder, and a never-before-seen Goop of the Gods from Commodore Gilgamesh! The night concludes with banjo tunes to salve the soul from expert VHS hound Al Scorch and his Country Soul Experiment.

HAVE YOU BEEN LEFT BEHIND???

On the cover of the vhs box it says "HAVE YOU BEEN LEFT BEHIND? IF YOU FIND THIS TAPE, PLAY IT IMMEDIATELY. YOUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT!"
So here is this important tape in it's entirety.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE FUTURE PART II

Briefly NSFMW.


Thanks to Dragon Sound, Airwave Ranger, Odd Obsession Movies and the person whose name I misplaced that sent in Absolute Aggression. Reveal yourself and claim your place in history!

Previously in the future...

10 HOUR LASER EYE STARING CONTEST!

These two are probably the most evenly matched laser eye staring contestants in the business. Place your bets!

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE FUTURE

NEMESIS 4!

and

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO THE FUTURE

No seriously, this should be all you need to know about the future, it's a complete guide. These two knuckleheads can't wait for everything to be terrible so they can be on the first UFO to heaven.

ROBOTS

...sold separately.

STUD MUFFIN OR OUTER SPACE WARRIOR?

This is what happens when you send a totally hot n' totally shirtless alien hunk to Hollywood.

THE STINGER

The future of the past is a fantastical neon wonderland.

WELCOME TO MY MIND

Really, how did I manage to avoid this movie all my life? Emilio Estevez! Renee Russo! Mick Jagger! and Sir Anthony Hopkins! Buster Poindexter! Race car driving! Time Travel! What a turd!



Oh yeah, it takes place in the year 2009.

MANDROIDS, CAVEMEN, KUNG FU AND INDIANA JONES...

...Eliminators has it all.



Thanks to Ghoul Skool for the tip.

UPDATE: Because no mere snippet of Eliminators can do it proper justice, some beautiful soul has uploaded the entire movie.

EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE PENIS WENT ELECTRIC.

Another scene from Future Fear (1999).

3 MINUTE FUTURESPORT

Playtime is over. He's in the game on behalf of the world. Special. Highly original. Turbo-charged thrill ride. 3 minutes long.

Rastafari!

A SCENE FROM FUTURE FEAR

KICKING SOME GIGABUTT!

THIS LEPRECHAUN'S GONE TO SPACE

The boner of the future:


Wizard!

2 MINUTE SCANNER COP

EXPECT NO MERCY (1996)

Tagline: Where virtual reality begins...

Starring:
Billy Blanks as Justin
Jalal Merhi as Eric
Wolf Larson as Warbeck
Laurie Holden as Vicki

Director: Zale Dalen

Gems:
Justin - "Doesn't anybody use papers anymore?"

Justin - "Shouldn't we radio for backup?"
Eric - "It's our mess. We'll clean it up."

Justin - "You mean she can do all that inside a computer?"

This is the most amazing movie ever made. It changed my life. Before I speak any further of this piece of film, I'd like to let you know that I plan to remake ENM shot for shot. I don't care if it takes the rest of my life. I have discovered why I was put on this earth. So, for starters, if anybody finds an old VHS camcorder, let me know and I will buy it. I will breath a new life into this masterpiece.

From the opening credits, I knew that this was love at first sight. The virtual viewer (you or I) is thrusted into a virtual cityscape that is no more than 1D. Mesmerizing. Then, like the world renowned plunge of Snake River Falls, you are suddenly dumped off into the assassination of The Cat, which is all being viewed on the plasma motherfuckin' screens of Warbeck in his secret lair. A beautiful, and naked, woman dives into the pool. Damien slings his death whip around The Cat's neck, sending him spinning and his drink soaring. In one fluid motion, Damien snaps his neck and, like he's done it a thousand times before, catches The Cat's wayward cocktail and takes it down. This scene summarizes this film's Greatness; action, necessity, love, hate, art, fuck, iguana assassins, other stuff. Perfection.

It goes a little something like this: these assassins are controlled by the, as we find in the 3rd act by a "The government can kill, why can't I?" rant or three, criminally insane Warbeck. And this Warbeck has a front, and boy howdy, it is a humdinger. They run a school for assassins. The police just can't seem to get by this squeaky-clean front. That's where the first in a slew of horribly generically named characters, Justin, comes in like a CG tornado - throwing cows and shit. Billy Blanks manages to look both like The Simpsons' interpretation of Mike Tyson and a Wesley Snipes on Down Syndrome, all while kicking an astronomical amount of ass. Oh, and one more thing, these assassins are trained on state-of-the-art virtual reality fighting machines. This reality doesn't manage to look like reality, but they've figured out how to make it hurt like reality. So the question begging to be asked is why not fight in a reality that's within a reality that, you know, looks and is like reality? Maybe reality for example. Well, if they fought in reality, then there would be no excuse for the hacking and the fighting of virtual ninja clowns. Other than that, there's about 40 minutes of people running in different directions and kicking one another while grunting (these are great moments to go and grab that snack). So if the virtual fighting and the reality fighting is the corned beef and swiss, what is the kraut and 1,000 island, you ask. Well, I'm not going to tell, but I am going to tell you to go out there and find those metaphorical reuben toppings for yourself. I'm not gonna live your life for you. Although, I will give Expect No Mercy a vigorous Three and a half stars!!!