R.I.P. 2011: WRONG MAN (FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE INTERN-THING)

In some ways, this is the year I became a man.

I learned how to smack myself to lose weight:


I learned that only pastors should touch you before marriage:


I learned that certain types of flies can turn you into a zombie:


I learned how dangerous biker mice can be:


I learned that John Ritter fucking hated us all:


And most importantly, I learned absolutely nothing:


Happy End of Days, everyone!

TREE OF MACHO

For more Short Pockets (including one helluva deal on a digital album), head over to shortpocketsmusic.com. I recommend Razzle Dazzle.

MEET JOE AVERAGE - COP!

SEE BO TALK BO TO BO

Bo on Bo from "Bo Knows Bo".

SEX IS SO GREAT

Thanks to Brendan Boyer for donating this video at Odd Obsession.

DUSTIN DIAMOND TEACHES CHESS, PART 1

This is the first installment from "Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess", a FOUR-HOUR LONG instructional video that is chock full of terrible:



It's only going to get worse. You can thank Sharon Mooney for unleashing this unto the world.

FROM THE CHRONICLES OF "RAPPIN'" PART 2

Your lowly Intern-thing is feeling a bit under the weather today, so I've decided to post the courtroom scene from Rappin'. Closing arguments, obviously.

ITS EARTH WEEK AND RITTER IS PISSED

This one goes out to my mentor-thing, Commodore Gilgamesh, or as I like to call him "the John Ritter of my generation."

This one also goes out to Slick Bishop, who once lost a rap battle in Athens, Ohio by dissing John Ritter a week after his death. He could have won, too.

BAD VIBRATIONS

What if a musician with no hands teamed up with a rave promoter? Perhaps he would become a Robo-DJ.



This movie is Vibrations. It should be coveted.

2-MINUTE BLAST! (WITH EXPLOSIONS!)

If you ever wondered why Eddie Griffin doesn't star in more action movies, here you go:



(And who would have thought that Vivica A. Fox would have already been in TWO two-minute movies this week? Two too few, if you ask this lowly intern-thing...)

FROM THE CHRONICLES OF "RAPPIN'"

Because who hasn't had a snack attack... then rapped about it... at a friend's workplace...

DIAMONDS ARE A CALL-GIRL'S BEST FRIEND

Thanks to Dragon Sound for passing along this deadly magick crystal!

TOPLESS AND EMPOWERED

The glass ceiling has just been -- shattered! (NSFW)



From the movie "Angel Fist"

YOUR SADDLEBAGS AND YOU

Remember, keep smiling...



And thanks to Dawn Jansen for helping us find this magic crystal.

A VERY SPECIAL GUNS N' ROSES FRIDAY

I hope this takes you away... to a special place.



This was made in 2005 by the way.

R.I.P. 2010: THE INTERN-THING

It was a big year for sports...





And Jesus...



And Jesus-related sports...



Thanks for your prayers.

Please leave your favorites from the past year in the comments and we'll tally up your votes for the year end wrap up tomorrow.

THE BALLAD OF SHOTGUN JONES

Big thanks to 23 Wolves for sending us this magic crystal. I highly recommend the feature-length version, which is kinda like "Miami Vendetta" sharing a one room apartment with "Bad Boys II". If you can imagine.

2.5 MINUTE REVENGE OF THE RED BARON

Mickey Rooney is kinda like the Dolph Lundgren of the 1940's.



AND!

The wonderful folks at Wham City are doing a comedy tour and it is coming to Chicago this Sunday, November 14th at 9 PM! And motherfucking EIT! is opening for them! Seriously, this is going to be a night that you will feel with all of your being. Either come to The Hideout (354 W Wabansia St) or miss out on the comedic weirdness of David Bowie, Showbeast, Dan Deacon, Egg Schrader (an actual egg), April Camlin, Tim Allen, the Creepers, and so much more. Buy lots of tickets now! Don't forget to bring those fourth and fifth eyes of yers. Yul need 'em. And if you don't live in Chicago, go to one of these other places and see this show (sadly, EIT! will only be at the Chicago show). Booya!

ZOMBIE WORKOUT (PLUS 2-MINUTE DEATH SPA!)

I need to lose some weight if I'm going to fit into my Dolph costume this year.

Here's some zombies working out:



Special thanks to Bob Konow of Chicago for that one.

And now for some 2-Minute Death Spa...



Happy Halloween everybody!

ALL MY UNARIANS

(Can this count as my post for Boring Week, too?)