Tuesday, January 05, 2010

THE MASTODON MILK WORKOUT

The Mastodons are anthropomorphic racist stereotypes that want you to drink milk and, to a lesser extent, exercise. Look for their barely animated adventures in your local dairy aisle.


Thanks again to 23 Wolves for another great tape.

27 comments :

burgin22 said...

Is that Phil Hartman doing the voiceover? This makes me sad.

Philip G. said...

Not Phil Hartman. This guy is way too nasal.

Awful in every way imaginable.

menschenjaeger said...

Right-o, Phil. And especially terrible in how the Italian mastodon is shorter than the Asian one. Preposterous!

tereg said...

Nothing says nutrition like hamburgers, pizza and nachos.

Julian said...

That Green Mastadon must be pretty smart to have learned Japanese and bad English in such a short time after arriving on Earth. Must be all those milk products we all know the Japanese love to consume.

Trish said...

Man, I hated eating cheese until these horrifying elephant-men told me how radical cheese is.

Seriously, I can tell when a fellow illustrator gets assigned a stupid project to work on and is just, "aw, screw this". This looks like the guy read the instructions for the short and instead said, "Aw, screw *you*!"

I will bet you a large pizza covered in artery-clogging goodness that this was made during the post-"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" Anthropomorphic Animal Superhero craze.

street said...

so solly, most unfotunate, i aporogize

Anonymous said...

If I have a glass...or four...will you please shut up?!

Desuko. said...

Now I want to put that "INTERNET ALERT! INTERNET ALERT!" at the beginning of every blog post I make.

esophus said...

Watch out for those growth hormones and cancer causing casien.

Anonymous said...

Nothing says eating healthy like hamburgers, pizza, and nachos.

Burgertatercasserole said...

now listen here. i don't know what type of soy milk sippin' tofurkey planet you assholes come from, but around here we drink milk. there is one reason that this country is great and it comes in four types. whole, 2%, 1% and skim. you can keep your granola tofu to yourself and let me and my family enjoy our pizzaburgers in peace.

Brian said...

Were they implying that I should put cheese on my ice cream?

Justin said...

Yes, Brian. That topic was covered just prior to the Internet Alert.

matthew said...

My family runs a dairy farm, and it always pissed me off that a small portion of our milk checks went to fund garbage like this.

Marty said...

What?! Not even ONE mention of how the calcium helps keep their tusks all shiney and white?!?!!? WTF, people...

Anonymous said...

The only beast I can think of that says milk to me more than a Mastodon is a Centaur. Hell yea!

Desdemona said...

This is why I'm vegan - I don't want to be a mastodon!

23 Wolves said...

Oh Shit, I'm a Local Celebrity! This video came from the Goodwill in Ozark, Missouri, and they had multiple copies if anybody wants one. Have a lovely 2010!

Michelle said...

Thank you, esophus!

This video makes me sick.

WolfmansRazor said...

My girlfriend and I just picked up a copy of this tape at our local St. Louis Goodwill about a week ago. And two days later it's on EIT! Fantastic.

Waqas Malik said...

holy shit internet alert, internet alert!! i better pay attention now that its blatantly showing itself on my screen.

Anonymous said...

Screw those dairy products, I wanna eat some mastodon!

Pudding said...

"Internet alert! Internet alert!"

How does a VHS have anything to do with the internet? Was this thing ever on the internet? If so, why the hell was the back-up put on VHS?

Spaf said...

Who the hell puts cheese on their ice cream?

shodan said...

cheese-topped chesse diped in liquid cheese with a tall glass of milk

take 4 to 755 times a day

Gnomebitten said...

The Japanodon's voice sounded familiar. Then I heard something in the back of my mind.

STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM