Tuesday, August 18, 2009

IF THERE EVER WAS A WIN-WIN SITUATION... IT'S CAT MASSAGE!

"Think of it as therapy for you." - Betty White



Oh and by the way: butt-horn.

50 comments :

Dave Coulier said...

I've always wondered exactly how to give my cat a full body sensual massage. This is going to do wonders for our sex life!

Charles said...

I really loved that one.

Anonymous said...

"Who's the best cat in the United States? It's you, Champer-Damper, it's you!"

Anonymous said...

FFS Get a life woman !!!

Anonymous said...

Congress, please approve "death panels" for cat-ladies.

therandomizer said...

Crazy Cat Woman:Origins

Remember people, using both hands will double your pleasure and fun.

MAJOR WHISKER WATCH ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!

GET IN THE FUCKING CELLAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Say what you will, but I bet that woman gives one hell of a hand job.

Ren said...

One minute into this, I felt a hot ball of energy building inside me. I'm urgently - no, manically - spreading the word that it's time for cat massage.

Anonymous said...

There are a couple of times I'm convinced she must have forgotten she was filming a video...

Adam said...

If I were a cat owner, I'd tell my cat it was the best in the WORLD. I guess she was just showing her patriotism.

analogassailant said...

Remember, you can't fool drool!

Nicol3 said...

Right down to the Chinny chin chin.

Anonymous said...

That's exactly the problem, he'll start DEMANDING cat massage.

Samantha said...

Oh yeah cats have it so fucking hard. Show me the video that trains my cat to give me a massage ( If whips are necessary then so be it).

cadetcactus said...

this video doubled my pleasure

Frik said...

If you're left handed, try stroking a fucking tiger. Shit, if you're right handed, try stroking a tiger too. Face it, the less cock-ends in the world like you the better. Get your thieving lungs off my air!

willmarch said...

I'm an old age pensioner and I have no living heir. I was going to leave my fast fortune to The Church but now that I have seen this video I am now going to leave it to a Cat Home. I'm ringing my lawyers right now.
Thank you Blog.
PS You look like my Fred. Are you Fred? Fred, have you seen my slippers?

skwirl42 said...

I really think someone needs to do a remix of that...

In any case, I doubt that cat is even the best in the US. ;)

Mouse said...

In the pauses - is that where her cat gets it revenge?

I'd like to see her try it on with my cat.

Alan B. said...

jeweller - drooler. I see what she did there.

ellen9 said...

"drool is good. . . it's when they forget to swallow"

if they forget to swallow what's the point?

Anonymous said...

Funny. Almost too funny funny. Yet not too much funny.

Anonymous said...

cannot. stop. watching. this.

Anonymous said...

petting is definitely passe!

Anonymous said...

its like, she has the traditional "fat look", but she isn't.

i guess once your an established cat masseuse, you can pretty much look however you want...

Anonymous said...

BUTT-HORN!!!!!

SnakeTheFox said...

Replace 'cat' with man, replace 'massage' with jackoff, and replace 'tail' with penis and watch the whole thing.

"A man's penis is his badge of honor, so let's not neglect it. Simply start from the base of the rump, rubbing your way out, and follow it to it's natural conclusion."

"Drooling. In this case a drooler is not a person who specializes in rings and watches, it's a man who's so wrapped up in enjoying a jerk off, that he forgets to swallow, and then he drools. Silly as this may sound, this is a very expressive and unconscious way of approval. Remember, you can't fool drool."

Eric said...

bellyrama!...

joseph said...

I own this on VHS. My mother bought it for my boyfriend and cats. Cringe.

Stupendous said...

eeewwww, she makes it sounds so gross...

Anonymous said...

Haha perfection!!!

Monsieur Obscure said...

That was painful, and hilarious, to watch, well found!

I tried out the breast stroke on hendrix and she really loved it! I've already been working on slowing down, so I'm glad to see that's right.

I mean, I think we can take her for an expert, obviously.

Ah sarcasm, has any generation ever cultivated it better than ours?

Anonymous said...

Just as I was starting to wonder if Champion really was enjoying his cat massage, 2:36 rolled around.

WannaSmile.com said...

Wow...that was, "special" :)

Anonymous said...

Jesus fuck, the 'Champa Dampa' song has been stuck in my head since I watched this...

"Who's the best cat in the United States?/
It's you, Champa Dampa, it's you!"

Anonymous said...

two hands, no lube...

Fat 'n Boring said...

I feel shame.

Maryjean Ballner said...

Thank you all
for watching and enjoying
my "Cat Massage" DVD.

There's also "Dog Massage"
and it's even better.

Maryjean Ballner
www.catanddogmassage.com
Cat & Dog Massage Books & DVDs
maryjean@catanddogmassage.com

Anonymous said...

The phrase "double your pleasure, double your fun" should really not be in a cat massage video.

Anonymous said...

Dear Christ, it's like the worst of every cat lady stereotype there is. Someone get this woman a man.

yhwh said...

if i would be jesus, i would shit in your superstitious faces!

there is nothing more dirty then the thoughts of insane moralists.

you are mind and soul terrorists....

i know why the world is terrible in your eyes, because you and your thoughs are.

all is one, no matter how hard you try to separate it.

your god is money, power and control....

mine is love!

SHAME ON YOU

Eek the Cat Lover said...

Dear MaryJean:

You are my hero.
Thanks for leaving a comment! Now we know where to buy the DVD! My order form will be coming soon!

Tell Champ I said HI!

Anonymous said...

Why does this exist? This banal tripe is astonishingly tragic. I have a cat. I enjoy him. He is well loved and certainly experiences proper tactile interactions. I do not, nor should anyone need an instructional video to improve the experience.

Videos like this make it clear that we are too comfortable in life and that things need to get a bit harder - to bring out the best in us - because this is not the best.

Love the site. <3

Anonymous said...

i dont know who has a worse life between the cat and the lady

nabadaba said...

Great video. "If your right handed, use your right. If your left handed, use your left, and if your right handed try your left and vice-versa." Hilarious

Anonymous said...

"Slow down, your moving too fast.."

That say's alot about life and cat massage.

Anonymous said...

in this case a druler isnt' someone who specialises in watches an jewlry

Anonymous said...

Dammit, I want a frigging back rub now.

Anonymous said...

Was she really serious about that drooler/jeweller bit?

Brandon Stocks said...

I think the UK should adopt a terror alert system based on whiskers.

1 Whisker: Normal, no need for concern.

2 Whiskers: There is reason to believe some terrorist active might be afoot but we dont believe an attack in imminent.

3 Whiskers: We have reason to believe a terrorist attack might come soon. Everyone should keep their eyes open and be prepared for trouble.

4 Whiskers: Major Whisker Alert.

5 Whiskers: The day we have feared the most has arrived. Fight to the death!