THE RADICAL ASPHALT CAPITAL OF THE COUNTRY

These sweet blade dudes and radical blade ladies are sent from the neonest decade of them all to show us that rollerblades are, after all, totally sweet.

ROCK MUSIC, MARIJUANA, DUNGEONS, DRAGONS AND THE NEW AGE MOVEMENT

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE DVD OUT JUNE 20TH!!!!!

GET READY TO LAUGH...

BABY FACES

Now that Moms are on the net, the internet has surpassed TV as the world's best babysitter.

THE NET: WWW DOT EXPLAINED

THEY STILL MAKE 'EM LIKE THEY USED TO

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR means it's time for eggs!



Finally there's a cross you can hold uncomfortably close to your eyeball!

AVAST, YE FABIO

To all the secretaries around the country: Throw away your fireman calendars, burn those porcelain kitties, stop talking about last night's Lost, and remember who got you on that all-Tab diet in the first place...

ROB VS. GOD

Rob is so awesome, popped collar, perfect mustache, cool 'tude, sweet ride. What does Michael have? A vegetable friend and god's will in his life... yawn.

WORK YOUR JESUS MUSCLE

One night I dreamed I was exercising in the living room with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the TV.

In each scene I noticed one loser on the screen exercising in her lonely suburban house alone. Sometimes there were two sets of losers, the random dude I picked up at church functions and what not.

I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, breakups and yeasties, I could see only one loser, me, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would cardio blast with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my single white female life there has only been one loser in front of the TV. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one loser, my child, is when I rode you like a pony to help you develop those sweet, sweet calves. Now, please put on something a little sexier and turn off that god-awful music.”

NO WIRES!

Nothing feels better pushed into your crotch than a sharp cornered, slow reacting joystick by a third party manufacturer.

COUNTRY RAP ATTACK

Just try and stop yourself from dancing. I dare you.



Oh what I wouldn't give to hear that techno rendition.

EIT VS. TVC PART III

If there's one thing TV Carnage taught me, it's the power of subtlety. Today I humbly present these two quiet storms...

EIT VS. TVC PART II

"The men turned away and went toward Branson, but Abraham remained standing before the LORD."

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE VS. TV CARNAGE - PART I

TV Carnage and EIT have decided to take a break from the endless war and join forces for the next couple of weeks. It's mind boggling, I know. Just think of this as George W. Bush feeling up Saddam Hussein in his red Convertible on Make Out Point circa 2002.



Oh yeah, and please make sure to check out the greatest Adult Swim pilot ever, created by TV Carnage with animation by Mr. Ghoul Skool himself!

JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE STEREOTYPES

Via Worst Cartoons Ever.

NGONB!!!

Carousels. Snow globes. Muscles. Eight year-olds in NBC jackets. It sure seems like these "guys" are trying to solicit a long term, meaningful relationship from a small child.

TOMMY SMOTHERS' ULTIMATE YO-YO

Tommy Smothers just didn't know what to do with himself after the Vietnam War ended.

SKIP ROGERS' ULTIMATE CONTROLLER

EXPLOSIVE LEGS!

Pony play started in the weight lifting cabin at the Olympic Village.

A BUCKET FULL OF TERRIBLE

Man she's zany.

FACK YOO, CAWP!

Thanks, Cinefile.

PARTY FOR A LIVING!

Bland up your living rooms with the Real Housewives of Dayton, Ohio.

WOMEN BE DIVERSIFYIN'

TREAT YOUR CHILDREN WELL

In these rough times, I thought it would be helpful to suggest some often overlooked money making schemes. Like turning your child into gold.


Remember the only commodity more valuable than one baby is two.

THIS IS IN NO WAY A TEST OF YOUR PSYCHIC ABILITIES

If the exercises don't work, watch the video a couple dozen more times. You know what she is going to say before she says it! Congratulations, you are psychic!

3-MINUTE BIOHAZARD: THE ALIEN FORCE

MOVE OVER MARTY PUTZ

If you're not familiar with the comedic stylings of Marty Putz, you should be!

THIS SUMMER