Friday, October 29, 2010

THE TIME HAS COME

This is it. The video I have kept hidden from the public for almost a year. I thought I would only play this live; to physically see the faces of the audience as they collectively barfed. But now is the time to show this to the people... Though I must warn you, you seriously cannot un-see this and once you push play, there's no going back...



UPDATE: Due to absolutely no demand, here's a translation courtesy of German speaking pal Thomas!

"Extra-Terrestian! You must go on planet "Earth." As you know,
otherwise our race will die out. We unlearned (or, like, lost the
ability) to have fun at sex. On Earth, we write the 19th century. There
I will bring you to a family."

(ET pops up in smoke)
Man: "A little blowing in the morning drives off all anger and
worries. My Beloved...

ET (scientific observing tone): "Female Earth Humans take genitals of
the man into the mouth. And how big the penis gets! It seems..."

ET: (Seriously, I'm not kidding.): "My hole starts to itch. Whether the
sex addiction is infectious on earth? I like/enjoy it, how the man puts
is dick into the snatch/cunt/twat (whatever word for vagina is the most
vulgar.) of the woman. That is a BIG cunt, with lobes (German word for a
wet cleaning rag applied to the labiae.)"

76 comments :

Anonymous said...

Looks like The Toxic Avenger if he had a sex change.

Anonymous said...

Oh my... Is there any more?

Jess said...

Given that this is the internet, I should be entirely unsurprised that I've actually seen animated GIFs from this charming movie before. Yet somewhere deep in my brainstem, a tiny frisson of shock and surprise is feebly sparking...

Richard Whittall said...

We have to restorm the beaches of Normandy. WE HAVE TO FINISH THE JOB.

Anonymous said...

Wow...you weren't kidding, were you...

Ravenhallow said...

Those horrible, expressionless eyes make it all the more awful. Fetch the brain bleach.

(the original) Nate said...

BLEACH BLEACH BLEACH!!!
I mean, you warned me, right? But I didnt listen... I-JUST-DIDNT-LISTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

Btw is this an sexed up E.T. rip off? ie is that supposed to be Steven SPielberg's E.T.?

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, the E.T. porn. What an amazing original discovery. This thing hasn't been passed around the internet for literally the last 10 years or anything. Literally everyone has already seen this, you fucking retards.

Voracious_Boot said...

Well, I vomited a little... in my mouth. And I officially will not be eating anything today. Maybe this week. Or ever. My friends will find me a shriveled husk with a look of sheer horror upon my face.

Voracious_Boot said...

@Anonymous (9:50a.m.) per the responses it appears everyone here has *not* seen this and you are not correct in your assumption. It just means that the sites you frequent contain disturbing individuals. Like this one.

Osama Lamadingdong said...

I had never seen or heard of this before. (And rather wish I still hadn't.)

Phineas86 said...

You can't un-see that.

Jonathan said...

The worst part? Glittercat. *shudder*

word of the day: gosseshy -- the bits of our little alien friend's skin costume that were removed

xyearsinpurgatory said...

Yes, E.t. as a female in a porn is horrible, but what I dont understand is why everyone is dressed in victorian style clothing

Anonymous said...

You don't have to frequent fucked up websites to have seen this in the past 10 years. You can go to websites, like this one, that usually have normal fare and then post this because it's "so crazy!!!". But please google it, 18 million hits. This is not an unknown entity. And I think it's a bit of a cheat for these guys to use and post this since I am sure they did not find this on a physical medium as they always claim to do. This thing went around everywhere in email forwards for years as a file and then has been on EFukt for at least 5 years. So I'd say it's one of the more well-known fucked up internet videos. To me it's the equivalent of them posting the grape-smashing news lady and building it up like it's some super amazing thing they have the scoop on. To be like "We've been sitting on this for a year and ONLY wanted to show it at our live show" is fucking bullshit and a lie. I realize that there are some things that are online already but unknown that you could claim ignorance to knowing were online first, but this is unacceptable. Fuck EIT. I'm done. I liked them better before they put on the stupid alien costumes and went on the road to do really bad improv. Shit's the worst. You have to be either retarded or baked to like it.

Defenestrator III: On Broken Glass said...

@Anonymous: Thanks for the memories.

Libbie H. said...

E.T. porn made Anonymous flounce. IN-TER-NEHHHT.

Ghoul Skool said...

@Anonymous, please don't leave us before seeing our show at The Chuckle Boner in Des Moines this Sunday. Come for the bad improv, stay for the 25 cent wings!

Randy said...

Anonymous, We all wish we were as cool as you, all knowing and capable of having all the best knowledge in the world and only able to share it with the rest of the world only once someone else has made a conscious choice to share the same information in a fun and open manner. Your ability to point your shit stained finger at the world and say "OH YEAH, I SAW THAT A YEAR AGO" is just precious. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

AHH ITS A TROLL.

(the anonymous guy,not the jolly green giants mutant ET like cousin)

Anonymous said...

I suggest a new metatag for this clip: Germans

They put out just as equal amount of What The Fuck material as the U.S.

J.R. Herbaugh said...

She wasn't being satisfied by his wapping technique.

Voracious_Boot said...

Wow. That guy just... wow. Maybe some of the EIT staff or followers might be baked, but the flipped out Anon dude seemed a little hopped up on something himself to freak out over E.T. porn. Really, dude? Really?

Also, the stuff here doesn't seem like "normal fare", so that guy really does go to some seriously effed up sites to consider this so tame. Like "EFukt". Delightful.

Anonymous said...

You'd be mad too, if you were watching this 10 years ago for purely sexual reasons and saw it posted now as ironic comedy.

Fitzsimmons said...

OMFG XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD XD xD!

I can't even come up with a comment to justify how hard I was laughing at that. This made me laugh more than ANY other EIT, and I have seen hundreds of EIT posts.

Thank you EIT, even if this was on the web (fuck anon)! I this has made my life better I need to spread this link ASAP!

(the original) Nate said...

@Defenstrator: Dont you mean
"Thanks for the mammaries"?

ps @ raging anonymous: See you next time some clip pisses you off

Anonymous said...

You guys are all really good at the internet. Kudos!

My points still stand.

- It is weird to me that there are still people that haven't seen this on the internet. And since there are, it must be their first day online. Or they don't have friends that send them dumb shit because this has certainly made the rounds at least 5 times over the last decade. And my friends are relatively normal all things considered.

- This clip was not found on a physical medium, it was downloaded from the internet. EIT makes a big show of saying that they never do this. But this clip is most certainly downloaded from a torrent site and exhibits the exact same source deficiencies as every other clip of it online.

- Really bad improv. Need I say more? There are plenty of clips of their live show on YouTube to prove that this is more than a hypothesis. You guys suck, your live show is a waste of time. You'd be better off literally just sending a DVD of your show to the theater and not coming at all. Your song and dance adds nothing to the proceedings. Nobody thinks it's funny except hipster douchebags that are laughing awkwardly, not sincerely.

- And besides, you dickheads aren't fooling anybody. You're just a dimestore TV Carnage any way you slice it.

Good luck in all your future endeavors.

Defenestrator III: On Broken Glass said...

Anonymous, apparently you aren't done seeing how people react to your whiny bullshit. To address your points (since I know you'll be back):

1. The internet is a big place. Congratulations on seeing all of it.

2. This movie is easily available on a bootleg DVD. Of course, it would be completely impossible for more than one copy to exist or for more than one person to upload it to the internet.

3. If you think we suck, that's fine. What's curious is that our tour ended months ago (which you obviously saw) and yet you continued to check this site even though you think we suck and rip off TV Carnage. So you either feel the need to punish yourself or you are full of shit.

And if you want to insult us, at least give us the courtesy of coming up with a fake name. Anonymous is so unoriginal.

See ya soon!

Richard Whittall said...

I think it's perfect that such an awful German alien porn video would be accompanied by an angry internet troll upset that a website he pays no money to visit and is clearly obsessed with (if you know enough to know the hipsters laugh awkwardly at the live show, you are clearly in lust with EIT; that's up there with leaving comments on the posts that advertise for said shows) would feature a video that exists somewhere else on the internet. Yes the same internet that is fucking enormous.

EVERYTHING IS TRULY TERRIBLE.

Anonymous said...

Dude. It's just a blog.

(the original) Nate said...

@ raging Anonymous
raging Anonymous
" Fuck EIT. I'm done."
October 29, 2010 11:34 AM

You sir, are a liar.

Although I didnt expect this to turn into a flame war, I DID think, after seeing this video, that it will become the most commented on item in EIT.

Also, why are u comparing TVC to EIT? TVC is slow as Molasses with a horrible layout anyway. I mean, good to that one guy for doing his thing.

W.V.: outogres- leave troll? oooOOOEEEEEoOOOOooooo

Chickengirl said...

I dunno, sure it was nasty, but at least EIT had the courtesy to censor out the alien's genitalia when the guy was fucking it.

Also, I know we're not supposed to feed the trolls since it only fuels their egos more, but he/she dosen't know wtf he is talking about, and is either just talkin' shit to piss everyone here off, or is truly a moron. I saw EIT during their summer tour and it was a awesome, doing that tour across the country was a lot of work for them, that's a lot of shows, but when I saw them in Austin, their performance didn't feel worn out or like they didn't care after having already done so many shows, I felt that they had put just as much effort into it as all their other shows, even though I'm sure they were exhausted They could have just shown up in the monster costumes for a few minutes and showed stuff on the screen, and been done with it, but no, they put on a full show and hung out with the fans after the show was over, so yeah, it just annoys me to see this guy hiding behind his computer screen talking down to the EIT guys who put a lot of work into what they do. Oh and I'm sorry I wasn't aware of this being on the internet, I'm not some sick fuck who enjoys seeking this shit out(no offense to EIT putting it up here to begin with)

so there.

Anonymous said...

i eat my own poop

Anonymous said...

The alien is a woman.

Porcine Drone said...

I never saw it and I'm an internet loser from way back.

Nobody just LEAVES anymore with out some kind of Betty Davis-type hissy fit.

Anonymous said...

OK, I'm back for the last time ever, for reals. I just want you all to know that what really pisses me off is that EIT censored out the alien's woman parts. Efukt wouldn't have done that shit. Now everyone thinks the german E.T. is a man!

(the original) Nate said...

The truth comes out! But how do we know it was you, raging Anonymous? That could be another Anonymous posing as rager... we'll never know.

on a side note, EIT is there any way to find out which is the most commented on video? Cat massage has 47, and that is your bread-and-butter.

and with over 200 probly items i'm not about to peruse each one.

Defenestrator III: On Broken Glass said...

@OG Nate: That would be Winning the Game of School (http://www.everythingisterrible.com/2010/04/winning-game-of-school.html) with a whopping 69 comments.

(the original) Nate said...

thanks defenestrator. I was going to post but 69s a good number. and highly relevant to this posts intrests

gawd i cnt spel

Greg M said...

Happy Halloween?

OG Nate said...

tomorrow Greg. Tomorrow.

kedarguru said...

(in 2001 - somewhere in the Milky Way)

"Uhh, Sir! We've intercepted a signal. It appears to be a transmission from native inhabitants of the Earth planet, in the Orion Arm."

"Ah yes, you refer of course to the humans - we recently sent emissaries from the 33 worlds of the Inter-galactic Confederation to greet them and share our infinite love, advanced technology, and the cure for every disease ever, in accordance with the prophecy."

(concerned voice) "Well, sir, you may want to see this.."

"WHAT THE FUCK? Is that... what is that? Fuck!"

"I've already contacted members of the Council. The mission is off."

Anonymous said...

i saw this video before it was even filmed

Anonymous said...

I just came back to say that I'm sincerely sorry for acting like such a radioactive cunt over the internet. I spent some time reflecting on my actions and social health.. and things have just not been the same after the divorce I had with my wife little over a year ago.

I know that I saw this video way before everyone else and I still find solace in that fact. However,When all is said and done I have fully realized that complaining about free entertainment without constructive advice is just about as useful as kicking children in the park or ripping the leaves off of unsuspecting heathen trees.

I will now link everyone to the best movie scene ever made in order to make up for this serious breach in internet etiquette.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4

django747 said...

Oh hell no..... not that alien porn shit again....

Anonymous said...

I jerked off to this. Fuck the haters.

The 9th Sage said...

Hah, Well, Troll 2 IS pretty great. Anyway, about the ET clip...that's some disturbing stuff. I wonder about the person who wrote this movie...."Oh yeah! We'll dress a woman up as ET! It'll be perfect! There's NO WAY that's unsexy!"

Anonymous said...

it's cool, other Anon. We all go through rough patches, and divorce is tough... I hope you're doing better, and I wish you luck and happiness.

Also, I don't think there is anything like internet etiquette, but maybe from a bygone era... either way, no harm, cheers mate

Anonymous said...

I love you guys but this has been on efukt for years.

Melanie said...

DAD?????!!!?!!!!!??!

Nubbies Away!! said...

Man, doesn't it just RUIN EVERYTHING when more than one website posts something? It's like when more than one person knew about The Room! TBK! TBK means 'Total Boner Kill', for those of you who are new to the internet and haven't seen all of it like I have.

And doesn't it also suck that you're totally being forced to come here and watch every video that they post? It sucks, right? Dude, I know. It's so unradical.

We all know that the internet superhighway is hard, but I know you'll get through it. All it takes is a little know-how, a neato CD-Rom, and your Surfin' Shades. If you see something you don't think is groovy on a page, just hit your 'home' button (it takes you to the page you designate as your personal homepage, or starting point) and keep on surfin' the net in a safe and cool way!

Heather said...

Maybe anon is hoping that his tirade will count toward his dissertation on Internet Studies from Phoenix University?

Fingers crossed, anon! Even for half-credit!

Will said...

Why? Why did you do this to us?! Why, God?!!

g said...

booooring


everything is terrible

Anonymous said...

Yes this video has been posted before on the internet. I am sure it was on stileproject years, and years ago. But one must look at the positives in a re-post. When you are trying to 'impress' your friends with your knowledge of the bowels of the internet. It is convenient to have such a video readily at a hand . Rather than have to dredge through numerous pages searching for German ET porn. Now all EIT has to do now is post that pterodactyl porn, and life just got easy.

Anonymous said...

Any guys want to do that to me? I have an alien costume...

Stello said...

Germans are some freeeeeeeky fucks.

J-Dubb said...

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!! I BELIEVE YOU NOW!! I BELIEVE!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT'S ALL TERRIBLE!!

On another note, it's funny that my first reaction to seeing this was to say "Holy fuck!" Unholy fuck would have been more accurate. Very very unholy fuck.

berlingirl said...

Oh my god!!! Believe me it's even worse when you understand what they are really saying. Everyone who doesn't understand German can be very glad that it's not translated proper at all!!! What the alien says while standing at the door is...ehm...I can't find words for it. I gotta vomit.
Oh and the voice at the beginning says that it's the 19th century on earth. This explains the clothes.

Future Schlock said...

Thanks Berlin Girl! I always wondered about that. As a nonspeaker of German, everything in this video sounds filthy to me.

Greg said...

You you remember Airwave Ranger.

Anonymous said...

NSFW MAYBE?!
I was in class when I watched this...

Anonymous said...

lol austria

Anony Mous said...

Clearly... CLEARLY EIT forgot to go to the "Internets Blogs and "Funny har har shit" council meetings" to make sure they haven't posted the same shit apparently everyone on line has already seen (I guess, since this is the first time I've seen it and I've been using the internet since about 1994).

Lesson learned, EIT. Next time, please check with the council to make sure you don't set off anonymous people online who are upset like a hipster at your lost integrity. Thanks!

dayglowjoe said...

omg that was some hilarious/disturbing shit! I nearly pissed myself!

also, anonymous should chill out, just because you have seen something before doesn't mean other people have no right to have not seen it yet! sheesh!

Anonymous said...

SEXY.

Luke said...

NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!

Xzeon said...

http://thecinemasnob.com/2010/01/04/et-the-porno.aspx

Anonymous said...

I want to see the gay version, the MALE gay version. Now THAT is something I would wank to.

Anonymous said...

so this is what Drew Barrymore did pre rehab

Dave Tesch said...

This is NOTHING compared to the pteridactyl porn section on porntube. THAT was disturbing.

Anonymous said...

I masturbated to this.

laura said...

Well, I threw up... And now I will be plagued with nightmares forever about alien sex.

Anonymous said...

i wish you could have seen my face. i really do.

Hannah said...

I actually seen the cinema snob review this. So when I'm seeing this, I'm just LOLing because of that review.

Hannah said...

I actually remember seeing a review of this by The Cinema Snob (you should definatly watch his reviews, they are hilarious.)