IT'S A TERRIBLE CHRISTMAS GERBERT

This video suuuuure would look good under the tree.

CBS CARES ABOUT YOUR PROSTATE

And remember, HIV tests make for fabulous Valentine's Day presents. Happy Holidays!

$ALE OF THE CENTURY!

Merry Christmas.

WHEN MACHO MEN RULED THE EARTH

Even when wrestlers were trying to look as tough as possible back then, their theme songs make the Jonas Brothers look like GG Allin.

FLIRTING WITH MAGIC

I'll let the testimonials from the back of the box handle this:
"What a great way to meet chicks!" - Bob - Single, 25
"Your magic tricks blew me away!" - Cathy - Single, 30 Something
"After my divorce, my social skills needed help; your flirting course did the trick!" - Barry - Divorced, 45



No....I'm not a weirdo.

FUTURE SCHLOCK IN EXILE NO MORE!

Ok, we have a new Youtube account and we're working on uploading everything to Vimeo too in case something like this happens again. All the videos should be playable now, with the exception of "The Gay Agenda," which is a troublemaker so it will stay down for now. If you see any broken links we missed, please let us know in the comments and they will be fixed.

Here's an oldie but a goodie, one of the videos that inspired us to get into this crazy game: Click Clack Raps.



Now let us never speak of this ordeal again.

CD MAKIN'

A PROMISE KEEPER'S GIRL'S NIGHT OUT

SUZIE IS FAT AND I'M NOT!

TERRIBLE BEGETS TERRIBLE WHICH BEGETS TERRIBLE BEGETS TERRIBLE WHICH BEGETS TERRIBLE BEGETS TERRIBLE WHICH BEGETS TERRIBLE

AND YOU THOUGHT BLAGOJEVICH WAS A BONER!

Gordon Liddy takes a turn for the terrible.

EXPOSING THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA

Oppressing other people to cover up your own sexual insecurities is a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

For the record, this video does not reflect the views of Future Schlock. We think these homophobes are insane assholes, too.

UPDATE: Sorry, this video is TOO HOT for the internet.

IMMORTALITY THROUGH THE POWER OF POSITIVITY

ROOM SERVICE SAUSAGE PARTY

The only thing on the menu is cucumber.

GOING ON A MAN HUNT!

This video teaches the ancient, desperate art of hunting the elusive creature known as man.



For more info, please purchase twelve audio cassettes.

ACTORS PLAYING RETARDS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

I think there's some kind of message to be taken from this.


From the collection of Lucien P Singer.

I WISH SEINFELD HAD BEEN BORN A GIRL

Or maybe not...

WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE

When a Mentor D.A.R.E. officer makes a rock opera, this is what happens...



And yes, that's Cleveland's own Li'l John popping pills.

BAD DOGS

Dogville is truly the gift that keeps on giving.



More Dogville here and here.

CAVEMEN ARE NATURE'S HIPPIES

MANDROIDS, CAVEMEN, KUNG FU AND INDIANA JONES...

...Eliminators has it all.



Thanks to Ghoul Skool for the tip.

UPDATE: Because no mere snippet of Eliminators can do it proper justice, some beautiful soul has uploaded the entire movie.

MONSTER TRUCK OF VENGEANCE

The only way to get revenge on a family of murderous rednecks is to build a kick ass truck.

VANNA WHITE IS BETTER THAN YOU

EIT INTERVIEW!

Check it out here!

SCARIEST. INTRO. EVER.

BURT KEEPS GETTING OLDER, SHE STAYS THE SAME AGE

Oh Malone.

BAM BAM BIGELOW CAN MAKE UP WORDS

Good night, sweet prince...

GLITTER N' GOLD

TIME TO GET IT ON, T. BONE...

The following is the recipe to end all of the world's problems.

A MAN AND HIS MOTORCYCLE

GOD BLESS THE NON-BELIEVERS...

...for without them, Christians would stop making videos like these.

An ex-biker pirate performs an autopsy for kids from the same kids show as "God is Not a Child Abuser."



No suicide pact will stop Freedom Village USA:

CHRISTIAN PUPPETS CAN BE SO CRUEL

CREEPS!

A collection of the creepiest creeps that ever creeped.

WHAT A TERRIBLE WORLD

GOD IS NOT A CHILD ABUSER

Not that anyone's accusing him of it...

BLANCHE LOVES SEX AND CATS

Everyone's favorite Golden Girl is crazy for cats!

LEARN HIP HOP DANCE FROM A CROSSDRESSING POWER RANGER!

It was nice of the producers to make the black guy the Black Ranger and the Asian girl the Yellow Ranger. It makes it easier for racists to tell them apart.

Also the Red Ranger (who really should have been Native American for consistency) dances just like Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

SHOCKING INTERVIEW WITH A MYSTERIOUS ASSHOLE

This post is terminated.

RICHARD SIMMONS & THE SILVER FOXES

Would you like to exercise with your favorite celebrities' parents? How about with Richard Simmons in blackface? How about both?

PAGE 34!

I am sorry to present this clip with all the censorship and boobage, but this one has always been a personal favorite...

BREATHE, WEIRDO, BREATHE

BLOGGIO SAVED THE VIDEO STARS

Just when we thought no one cared, an onslaught of blogs have been so awesome in helping us spread the word. And the word is 'terrible.'

So, thanks everyone and welcome home.

ARE YOU PREPARED?

Apparently they are still waiting for that spaceship...

TMNT: BEHIND THE MUSIC

SURFING FOR SENIORS

This just seems to mock old people more than help them.