Tuesday, November 17, 2009

THE CHRISTIAN ROBOT!


*Thanks to Chicago David for this gem!

64 comments :

moo said...

I wrote a long, witty comment, but my computer got a sore circuit and the webpage went out of phase.

Aabra said...

These costumes are giving me '80s flashbacks. Must... resist... pile of... YCDTOTV VHS tapes!

Ryan said...

What will they think when Colby comes out of the closet and introduces them to his partner C3P0? Nick, aka Li'l Brian Bosworth, is going to be so pissed.

Also, who knew that 20 years later, a little outfit called American Apparel would make a fortune charging young people good money to look like the kids in this video?

Grrg said...

I am going to print out a screen shot of "shouty Nick" and take it to an expensive hair salon and force them to make me look exactly like him. It may cost $200, but it would change my life.

John said...

Flip & Flop must be the local Agnostics.

Fat 'n Boring said...

@Johh: Flip & Flop are the agnostics because "they can't do anything" for Colby, and Nick is an atheist because he won't befriend something that's man-made. Think about it. (And, as a general rule of thumb, we heathens tend to be a haughty and disagreeable lot, anyway.)

L. H. said...

@Ryan: Actually, American Apparel doesn't make a fortune. AA's 2009 outlook is anywhere from $1m net loss to $4m net profit and the stock continues trading between $3-$4 a share.

THE MORE YOU KNOW.

marahe said...

this is the whitest video i have ever seen.

Gizzmonic said...

Silly Colby!

Robots don't have souls.

Anonymous said...

Is that "a little New Testament" in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Robert Madewell said...

Every back yard needs a bully with a flat top!

"We prayed for Colby and he's still not all better!" (2:08)

They said that about Kara Neumann too.

Nathaniel said...

First of all I think "Colby" is obviously this kids perverted uncle. Come on, who builds a 5'6" (approximately) robot with human like musculature and movement, coupled with an all-too-cute display and interface. A psychotic child-raping freak may, but probably easier to get his niece/ nephew who he's locked in the basement for 12 years to sew up a "Colby". What does "Colby" stand for anyway? C.reepy O.ld L.unatic B.eating Y.oungsters ? C.razy Ol.d B.astard Y.ahtzee?

PPS. Wardrobe found these outfits in the American Apparel "Kids Chambray Pastel Collection with matching Neo-Nazi Braces"

Captcha is "rumbj"

Kozu said...

Some of the best stuff so far. Care to provide the full footage?

Francois Tremblay said...

OH YEAH?

YEAH!

It's kindof ironic how the voices for the computer and the floppies sound gay.

Desuko. said...

Nick is my new hero.

Anonymous said...

Is Colby related to Alexis?

Anonymous said...

thanks for posting this...I missed part of it when you showed it in STL. I had to pee.

Monkeyspank said...

The girl with the pigtails played Barbara Hershey's daughter in "Beaches." Yeah, I guess that makes me pretty gay.

Anonymous said...

Nick is like a young Biff Tannen, if Biff had been a butch lesbian.

Aaroncoal said...

Here's a sad but true fact... When I was a boy I was in a church play based on Colby... and it was exactly like this video. I am ashamed of my life!! I was the kid that pushed the button on the back of Colby that caused him to go "out of phase"...
Think I should revive my role and see if we could make it to Broadway?

Ghoul Skool said...

Are you serious? Please say someone taped this Colby reenactment. Make it happen and you'll be a hero!

Nicol3 said...

Colby? I suppose he's some kind of Audio-vibratory physio-molecular transport device?

Aww. Those soul-less vessel offspring of the coming cyborg apocalypse are sooo cute.

Anonymous said...

Oh so you don't want to be a robot Nick? All you have to do is Pray, NICK, PRAY.

josh said...

WHY!?!?! WHY WOULD YOU EVER PRAY FOR A ROBOT!?!?!?!?

I appreciate the fascist idea of friendship presented by Colby's supporters... how dare Nick question the idea of being friends with a computer.

And why would anyone want to be friends with ANYTHING that can't play games? He's programmed for friendship, yet doesn't even know the definition of games?

COLBY was programmed with all the scriptures of the bible. I don't understand... why would COLBY want to be prayed for knowing that he has no soul and God will not help him?

I'm just glad that a video starring an anthropomorphized robot ends up with the human children looking like demons. Hooray!

thatcrazyrapmusic.com

Christopher said...

"That doesn't sound like much fun to me!"

A-fucking-men, kid. I can name all the bounty hunters that Darth Vader sent after Han Solo, and I want to give that kid with the coke bottle glasses a wedgie.

As if a Christian robot doesn't raise enough questions, they made a flamingly gay Christian robot. I think Colby was built to drive the local youth pastor insane by making him answer the most confusing religious questions possible.

DS3M said...

I was seriously on some "This video's themes from the christian right are ridiculous, mildly NWO-ish."
Then the show warped into awesome.
And now I'm all, yay lucifer!
EIT is teh shti

Anonymous said...

#Robert Madewell
Some lurking ended me up at the church responsible for her death. Listen to the intro, Terrible if anything
http://www.unleavenedbreadministries.org/audio/studies/onehour/eells-10-25-09.mp3

tinybones said...

I've never been prouder to be called "Nick".

Annalee said...

Wish you could find an unedited version of this video. I bet it's even more funny than this.

Anonymous said...

I will also admit to being in a Colby musical as a kid. Hideous clothes, floppy discs, roller skating robot and all. I was one of the minor characters, but my shame is anything but minor. My parents have the whole thing on video somewhere.

TVarmy said...

You guys, Colby clearly has a soul. The nerdy kid's dad killed a homeless man and put the hobo's heart and pancreas inside the computer. It may be a used soul, but it still works.

Without a soul, the scriptures wouldn't compile. Think things through before you drop theology.

Luke said...

Wow! who in the hell dresses kid like that, and those hair cuts. My god.

Anonymous said...

Was that DUANE?!

Anonymous said...

Those keys on colby's (musical) keyboard are positioned in a very precarious position.

Aaroncoal said...

Colby arch nemesis is Moham-a-bot the Muslim computer.. he can sing a song about any passage in the Koran.

kittyhands said...

@kozu and @annalee

The whole episode is on Youtube.

Dre said...

Look, if you guys want to go get some LEEEEUUUNNNNCH I'll stay here till flip and flop get back.

And maybe drop some bad acid.

Frank said...

DUANE can barely contain his sheer terror of Colby.

I'm sure subsequent therapist costs far outweighed the overall budget of this video, which was clearly shot on the Barney the Dinosaur set after-hours.

DUANE DUANE DUANE DUANE DUANE

Anonymous said...

1:52 Lil girl: Maybe we better pray for Colby.

Nick: "Ya, well you go pray in one hand and s**t in the other, see which one gets filled first."

Anonymous said...

What a bunch of discs!

Anonymous said...

This is the most fucked up - yet funny - thing I've seen since I saw a cat with a stick stuck in its side 5 minutes ago. Priceless!

Leif said...

YES! I totally remember this, I actually had an audio casette version that I listened to a lot as a 6 year old... it always creeped me out that the main message seemed to be that robtos have souls... and gay voices.

Thanks for the terrible memory!

erick_ said...

I too thought it was Duane.

tim.thompson said...

Man, the worst part of this whole video that makes it actually bad, instead of hilariously bad, is the fact that I WATCHED THIS WHEN I WAS A KID!

Woof!

Anonymous said...

This is your masterpiece, by the way.

SOOPAfeeen said...

Join us Nick, become an unthinking robot like your Christian brethren!

Anonymous said...

We did this play at my school! It was just as bad ass then. St. Paul's Elementary.

Mysterious Bill said...

Yeah Nick, he's special, you f*&^%*g ass$&*e!

Anonymous said...

*BLEEP* *BLOOP* PRAISE JESUS! KILL JEWS!

Anonymous said...

the whole colby thing is online, just look for colbys missing memory

hxxp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1Ujc4l_Oc8&feature=related

thats the first part

Anonymous said...

Well, Coby is in a scrap metal yard somewhere. Wow, a computer that gets sexually excited every time it thinks of the Bible? Talk about a useless computer.

Sarah Dorothy said...

perv.

Anonymous said...

Hi all! Well my name is Brandon and I actually am that guy who played David in this video. It was pretty fun back then. However I agree it was pretty silly.

Sara said...

luuuuuuuuuunch.

Anonymous said...

I thought the voices in the Peanuts films were odd, but here we have kids shouting all their lines while speaking 50% slower than normal.

But Nick's humanistic concern about the rise of robots is actually touching and more clever than you expect from this kind of program. Perhaps time will show him to be an ancestor of Jehanne Butler.

Lee said...

holy shit dude. wouldn't you hate to hang out with a bunch of kids who screamed at you everytime they spoke.

"HEEEY!!! HE BROUGHT COLBY!!!"

"well thats cool I guess. Why are you yelling?"

"COLBY HAS BIBLE SCRIPTURES!!!"

"That's nice. You mind talking softer?"

"HOW CAN YOU BE FRIENDS WITH A ROBOT!"

"God damn it quiet down!"

Gnomebitten said...

Nick looks like a young Ron Perlam

Jeremy C. said...

The comments on this video are some of THE funniest I have ever seen!

K said...

Colbyyyyy......

Anonymous said...

to everybody who's a hate including you nathaniel: this show actually changed children's lives to live for the lord instead of the world it encourages kids to read the bible, and it also helped me not to go to jail, and if you say colby stands for that.then you're name "Nathaniel" mean this Nanobot, atheist, emp"t"y,haughty,atheist,nonbelieving,empty,use"l"ess, that is what your name means if you don't retract your comment from before, i'll retract mine if you retract yours first, and the show colby's clubhouse and those other videos actually changed my life, how, should i say if i didn't see that show, i'd probably be in jail or still in school until i turned 21 yrs old, thanks to the show it helped stay away from jail and other bad things in my life. did you parents have spanked you on your heiny when you misbehaved yes or no, or did you enjoys those spankings, since whoever says "someone is a pervert" remember this saying "it takes one to know one" which this saying implies you are one too. i know that the show colby's clubhouse people are not perverts why, what kind of television show will have a pervert in their program and around children, what kind of employers would they be if they didn't do a background check.

Anonymous said...

sorry to the haters about this comment i posted here early: to everybody who's a hate including you nathaniel: this show actually changed children's lives to live for the lord instead of the world it encourages kids to read the bible, and it also helped me not to go to jail, and if you say colby stands for that.then you're name "Nathaniel" mean this Nanobot, atheist, emp"t"y,haughty,atheist,nonbelieving,empty,use"l"ess, that is what your name means if you don't retract your comment from before, i'll retract mine if you retract yours first, and the show colby's clubhouse and those other videos actually changed my life, how, should i say if i didn't see that show, i'd probably be in jail or still in school until i turned 21 yrs old, thanks to the show it helped stay away from jail and other bad things in my life. did you parents have spanked you on your heiny when you misbehaved yes or no, or did you enjoys those spankings, since whoever says "someone is a pervert" remember this saying "it takes one to know one" which this saying implies you are one too. i know that the show colby's clubhouse people are not perverts why, what kind of television show will have a pervert in their program and around children, what kind of employers would they be if they didn't do a background check." please forgive me, i loved the show colby's clubhouse and it helped me become a good christian and please forgive for what i said before, i was speaking out of anger, because i loved that show. so please forgive me on what i posted earlier.

Anonymous said...

TO EVERYDBODY WHO SAYS THIS IS A TERRIBLE SHOW, ITS NOT BECAUSE I WATCH AND NO ITS NOT CREEPY, WELL, I DON'T THINK IT IS, WHAT IF A TWO CHILDREN WERE IN THE COLBY COSTUMES INSTEAD OF AN ADULT WOULD THAT BE CREEPY OR NOT. Colby stands for Christ is lord over you by the way. that's what Colby stands for. and to those who say this show is terrible let me tell you something, when I was in school, I was always called a bunch of names and one day in my freshman year of high school I got into a fight and that one fight got me sent to crossroads (an alternative school) for 4 months, and while I was in crossroad I learned about the show Colby's Clubhouse, and the show taught me about the bible, about how we can use the bible in our everyday lives and praise the lord Jesus Christ with songs. The lord Jesus Christ was more like an acquaintance when I was a freshmen in high school, but when I fully accepted and trusted Jesus as my savior I felt all of my burdens have been lifted off of my shoulders, which they have been, if it wasn't for Colby's Clubhouse, I don't know where I would be right now, probably in jail or dead, or breaking God's rules/commandments somewhere and everywhere, but most likely in jail or dead, I never even thought of perverted things like you're thinking. to Josh, when you made this comment "WHY!?!?! WHY WOULD YOU EVER PRAY FOR A ROBOT!?!?!?!?

I appreciate the fascist idea of friendship presented by Colby's supporters... how dare Nick question the idea of being friends with a computer.

And why would anyone want to be friends with ANYTHING that can't play games? He's programmed for friendship, yet doesn't even know the definition of games?

COLBY was programmed with all the scriptures of the bible. I don't understand... why would COLBY want to be prayed for knowing that he has no soul and God will not help him?

I'm just glad that a video starring an anthropomorphized robot ends up with the human children looking like demons. Hooray!

thatcrazyrapmusic.com"

Anonymous said...

what in the world do you be by the last sentence, like you're saying robots can't have souls, then you're saying we don't have souls either, what do I mean by this is because our bodies work on electricity as well as water as blood and oxygen, we are biological robots, and do you believe all robots don't have souls, like the I-ROBOT MOVIE, That's wrong, as long as a person downloads their own memories to the so-called robots hard drive then the robot would have part of their soul, think about that, and remember this show is to teach 6 to 12 year old kids not adults, adults tend to overthink things and pay attention to their sex drive more often than looking to the lord for help which you should ignore your sex drive at all times (unless you're married, man married to a woman, woman married to a man) only. I'll be praying for y'all so y'all can ignore such things that you think this show is horrible it might be a bit odd, nothing says anything, about what you're talking about. also just remember this what happens if a human turns into a robot, would that human have a soul or not, even if the robot had the memories of the human. and you're conscience tells you what is right from wrong, even though we humans have a conscious we always/sometimes choose to do the wrong thing just because it's fun, while robots can be programmed to do the right thing, with a conscience or without a conscience, just saying. and look at the children in the show, would you actually think that TBN would hire a perverted person to play Colby, I think not, or would it be better with two children(ages 5-8 only) operating inside the Colby's costumes like a boy on the bottom half of the costume, and a girl operating the top half of the costume would that be better or not. children don't think of perverted things like you do. All y'all have to do is ask God/Lord Jesus Christ to come into your heart and change you. pray like this:

Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, I fully accept you and trust you as my lord and savior, please forgive for all the bad things I've done, and that all the bad things that I will do from time to time, please come inside my heart and change me, also please help me control/get rid of my perverted thought and learn to do your work. Thank you for coming to earth as a baby and dying on the cross. Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed by Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done On Earth as it is in Heave, Give us Today Our Daily Bread and Forgive us of Our Debts as we have forgiven our debtors and lead us NOT into temptation, but deliver us from evil, in Jesus Name, I pray, AMEN.

Anonymous said...

i love colbys clubhouse it really helped me growing up and somehow all there songs stuck with me even now heading to my 30s i wish it never ended i hope i can find a way to get my kids to see it,it helped me alot and i hope it can still help the generations to come.this world of ours needs a show like this,you dont have to be christian to watch it because it teaches all of us to be better humans.