FLIRTING WITH MARTIAL ARTS

UPDATE: Whoopsie, this one's been ceased and desisted.

FOX NEWS LOVES EIT!

Thanks to an anonymous tipster, we learned that the conservative jokers over at Fox News' Red Eye are some of our biggest fans. They love us so much that they never credit us for making the beginning of their show more tolerable. So here's our way of saying thanks for the support:



Here are the links to the full videos: Facercise, Magic Star Traveler, Room Service, Pawn Shop, Mr. T's FlavorWave, Bear Hugs, Hunkercize, Death Drug, Chicks Dig Weirdos, Eliminators, Hawk Jones, Yo Zone, Short Fuse, Before & After, The Art of Meeting Men, Ohhhh Jay, A Man and his Motorcycle, Everybody's on Cocaine.

ROBOTS

...sold separately.

BLAME 9/11 ON THE MACARENA

I'm not trying to be a dick, but I find it super gross that a percentage of men must find Charo hot. Otherwise she wouldn't have a career, right? According to Wikipedia, she was paid the same salaries Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra when performing in Vegas- which confuses me even more. I wanna say it's cause she has some sort of weird, grown-up sexuality to her, but then I throw up in my mouth a little and think of men who must have been turned on by this.



I also like that they used a Macarena knock-off track during the whole video. Nice job, team.

THEY'RE IN JAIL!

THE PUNKIN' MAN HAS ARRIVED!

COME BOARD WITH US!

KIDS, GET SOME MUSCLES ON DEM BONES

In the background of this video was a synth karaoke version of 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins playing really softly.

I HUNT PEOPLE FOR A LIVING

I mean really folks...

Tar Baby?

A BEARD REQUIRES A LOT OF ATTENTION

HOLLYWOOD MAKEUP SECRETS

CHECK OUT THESE DOUCHES...

Finally there's a douche that you can bring home to Mom!

Via the Internet Lurker.

THIS SUMMER

Once it's here, there's no going back....

YOUR ALCOHOL IQ!

Actors are the smartest people this country has. That's why Anheuser-Busch got the best actors in the world together to help us become more responsible drinkers.

PEOPLE ARE LIKE TREES...

...in that we poop toxins out of our feet!

THE TELLINGTON T-TOUCH

Cat Ladies:
You don't need to learn a bunch of fancy techniques for petting kitties. It might impress those bitches at the Cat Fancier's Association, but if you look deep into your heart, you already know. You like it, the kitties (sometimes) like it, just do it.

BIG SURPRISE...

...the WWF/WWE was/is run by racists and closeted homosexuals, and I thought it was just the fans.

WELL, HELLO FELLOW PILOTS!

Time to get full-on creeped by this crazy-eyed weirdo and his perm-headed wife!

WHO HAS THE POWER?

John Jacobs!!!



*From the collection of Yonder Vittles.

MAKEOVER MAGIC!

And after...

THE LAW OFFICES OF STING, STING, STING AND STING

I find this very, very funny.

In the past thirty minutes, legions (four) YouTube commenters are telling me they actually like this video, and not for the usual reasons. Am I the only one? Am I getting too old for this shit?

SINBAD THE TALKING CONDOM

Ew.

HUNK-A-HUNK-A-BURNIN' HOT HUNKS

Never gonna get it, secretaries of America...

THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE

AM Northwest, the morning chat fest from Portland, loves to gab about Jesus sightings, so it's no surprise that they also love to talk about themselves talking about Jesus.



I think they might have missed the point. And I can't give away all my secrets but I'll reveal a hint as to how I got video of them: AM Northwest is a televised program.

So, local news shows, please continue to cover my Jesus video so I can make another video of you covering your own coverage. Thank you.

MEETING WOMEN IS EASY

As long as you're not a squirrel molester....

THIS ONE'S JUST FOR THE FELLAS...

Guys,
It's no secret: women love a creep.
Also, that's a young Susie Essman, in case you were wondering. Which I doubt you were.

STUD MUFFIN OR OUTER SPACE WARRIOR?

This is what happens when you send a totally hot n' totally shirtless alien hunk to Hollywood.

T LOVES CRISP, CRUNCHY CRUSTS!

Poor Mr. T. How long must you pity fools for money?



More Mr. T here.

AND FINALLY TONIGHT...

Here's the best news coverage of Pareidolia 2008!

THE LAS VEGAS GURU

Slots ain't magic.

KOOL KIDZ!

TGIF!!!

KUDDLY KITTENS!!!

Look, I know we here at EIT can be all 'Look at the jerk who raps about algebra!' - but I say enough is enough. Today I offer you all a VHS palette cleanser of the cutest kind...



This has already pissed off many people via YouTube in the 6 hours it's been posted.

FAT TONY MAKES FAT BEATS

SOME PANCAKES WITH YOUR BREAKFAST

Maury's got nothing on Pancakes.

FEMINISM BY WHIRLPOOL

Jesus Christ, Carol. Voting? What are you, some kind of invert?


Family means never saying anything unpleasant.


Be sure to visit the Prelinger Archives online for lots more mental hygiene goodness. It's in the public domain!