A PIRATE RAP? JUST FOR ME?

I would have posted the whole song, but unless you're really high, it kinda drags on. Anyway, this buried treasure is from a Christian public access show from the 80's hosted by a man named Captain Hook. The Cap'n's story is a bit sad however. He was a biker from Indiana and lived life fast, until one day he lost a leg and an arm after wiping out on his chopper. He became a born again that very same day, and before his death had a 20 year career in television. The good news is that his show is supposedly still being broadcast in certain parts of the country, and lived the end of his days in sunny Hawaii, sippin' on non-alcoholic mai-tai's...

AN AVERAGE DAY IN 1985

Back then, we called these 'Mondays.'

SINBAD TAPES FOR THE RICH

A TERRIBLE DEAL

What kind of asshole bear takes a bite out of every brownie before selling it? Can't you get hepatitis from bear saliva?

THIS AIN'T YOUR DADDY'S RECYCLING VIDEO

Recycling has a whole new look, buster.



Oh, and just in case you didn't hate Billy Joel enough...

HEY, SATAN! WANNA PLAY?

Okay, this clip is awesome for so many reasons. It really isn't 'terrible' at all. It's really just horrifying. Here's what I like about it.
1. The kids speak to the devil as if he is their new best friend, even though he sounds like Thom Yorke crying through a low pass filter-sweep.
2. At 1:51, the girl looks like she's about to light an apple to smoke out of.
3. Mark Twain doesn't give a fuck about those kids, and he just stands there and thinks while they enter hell.
4. No child could watch this and not cry. I almost did.

IF THESE DOGS COULD TALK

July is Talking Dogs Month at EIT, and I can't help but celebrate a little bit early. Enjoy...
Obviously, thanks to the geniuses at Future Schlock for the anti-drug bit.

HAS ANYTHING CHANGED?

Just in case anyone thinks I, Ghoul Skool, cannot also be terrible, well... Take a look at this...


I am no better than anyone.

LITTLE RICHIE FLIPS HIS LID!

Making fun of Richard Simmons is sort of like complaining about Bush. They're both completely insane, and anything you say about either if them ends with your friend going 'Yeah, no doi.' But after all is said and done, you can't wait to see either of those koo-koo birds screw up. So, until Bush goes down with a bang, here's this!

TAP! TAP! TAP!

SO LONG, BO

It's a little late, but this one goes out to the late, great Bo Diddley. We forgive you, sir.

THE COMMODORE SAYS GOODBYE

I just thought I'd let all you lil EIT-ers out there in Terrible Land know that I am going to be taking a month long vacation from our crappy little blog. I'm having brain surgery. Here's a few more bad 80's commercials for the road.

CRANK DAT TAPPERCISE (TELL EM)

What a weekend.

MATH GETS YOU LAID

It's True. Math gets you the love and affection of second rate pop-stars. Does anyone know the quadratic formula of my boner? Hello!

ME & MY CREEPY LITTLE SHADOWS

Phil Donahue dances the night away with a gang of Mini Donahue-Bots created specifically for his pleasure.

AH, SO

This one's for you, Commodore....

RIGHT ON!

Retro Bill is down with the kids. He knows our style, our attitude, our way of life. Cool!

RACE RELATIONS - MIAMI STYLE!

From the film "Band of the Hand" produced by Michael Mann!

RUSH!

MAGUIRE WATCH! STAGE 1

EIT presents 'Maguire Watch.' Anytime you see more than 4 copies of Jerry Maguire at a thrift or used video store, take a photo and add it to the pile. I have a feeling this could either go nowhere, or blow up. So please, have those camera phones ready, people (or Joel).

SUPER SOAKER 50's 15 MINUTES

LADY ROCKY

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT KIDS.

Send 'em to war. Hell, I was smart enough to live through Desert Storm trading cards.

NICE FACE

Are we just creating pop stars using 'The Sims' now? I don't know who this guy is, but he gives me the case of the creeps.

COME VISIT HELL.

This is the video that Satan mails to the elderly to convince them to move to central Florida.

3 MORE FROM THE ROTTEN BOWELS OF 1980's ADVERTISING

Fresh breath! Just like plants have!


I'm glad the Marines are trying to keep young people from dying. It is very nice of them.


The Mighty Mouth

COMMODORE GILGAMESH PRESENTS THE KLASSIC KOMMERCIAL KOLLECTION #1

What the fuck does he mean by 'you people?'


A shout out to the drab existence of the OH!


Finally, a watch that is a ring and a ring that is a watch! What'll LA come up with next?