There is an autographed copy of Matthew Matney's Favorites on VHS in our possession. This tape will be given to one lucky person out there in Terribleland! All you have to do is give us the most Jerrys. You have 30 days. Seriously, whoever gives us the most Jerrys will receive this one-of-a-kind gem! Booya!
I remember Matthew Mattney from Branson! My mom even bought a cassette from him. I couldn't stand listening to it, myself. His version of Hey! Good Lookin' was just way to corny for my brain to handle.
He's a fan of not just Gossip Girl and Gaga, but also of musicals, Glee, SYTYCD, Kristin Wiig, Mamma Mia, MIKA(!!), Britney, Kelly Clarkson, and Beyoncé. Basically his facebook fan pages are a one-man "Things Suburban Gays Like."
Which goes to prove, I guess, that dressing your little boy up in Fancy costumes and encouraging him to make broad theatrical hand gestures will, in fact, turn your child gay.
Then again, he's also a fan of "TwoIgnite" which i just googled and... let's just say that it doesn't seem on cursory examination that they'd let MY gay-married ass into their "marriage ministry." So, while I hesitate to draw any conclusions, I do encourage Matt to vacation in San Francisco this summer. And leave the wife at home.
I am friends with matt. He isn't gay. And he has more talent than any of you will EVER have... and that was just when he was five! You all need to grow up and get a freaken life, or a girlfriend... or even a blow-up doll if you can't get either of those. Now stop stalking people and go back to playing "sim's on-line."
oh awesome, the commenter who intends to save the internet from objectivity and act as our conscience. i wasn't even going to comment. now its time to gang up on the protective friend. protective friend is ____. (ITT: fill in the blank.)
Oh, no. The Internet has no desire to attack the anonymous defender of former child star Matt Mattney of Branson. (Which presupposes, it must be pointed out, that suspicions of homosexuality are "attacks" that must be "defended" against, which they are categorically not.) The Internet, as strange as it may sound, is actually somewhat worried about Matt Mattney of Branson; worried that he may possibly be in contact with soi-disant "friends" who in fact would reject the fullness of Matt's humanity, and who would actively work in the secular courts to deny Matt's constitutionally-guaranteed civil rights. Most of all, the Internet fears that these malignant forces may be lying to him, again and again, about Jesus Christ's true plan for his life, which (the Internet only suspects) involves a sacred, holy, and sacramental union with another gay man.
Actually now that the Internet looks back on it, maybe that WAS an attack on Matt Mattney of Branson's anonymous "defender." Sorry. The whole Prop 8 meshugas has got the Internet a little worked up lately.
On third thought, though, SERIOUSLY how in-the-closet could Matt Mattney of Branson possibly even BE? I mean LOOK AT HIM.
(We love you, Matt Mattney of Branson! love, the Internet)
Matthew Matney is not gay. Believe me, I know him personally. Admittedly, he does give off that vibe, what with his interests and manner and such. But try asking some people who ACTUALLY KNOW HIM what he's truly like...he is pretty gosh dang hot in real life, and Lord, can he sing. He is perfection in motion when he dances. He is incredibly sweet and such a gentleman, and you all would not believe how many girls in this area WAAAANT him!! I implore all of you wonderful people not to succumb to the shallowness of this generation by believing and assuming things about everything you see on the internet.
Anyone saying he is gay is obviously not basing that on any known facts about him. It's the internet, where anyone and everything is open to ridicule whether it be fact or fiction.
SURPRISE!!! Guess what, y'all? Matt's out of the closet. You guessed it, yep, he's gay!
The previous assertions of "HE AIN'T GAY!," probably contributed to the poor dude having to wait so long to come out of the closet, which is a bummer.
The child abuse tag is definitely appropriate. Who knows how he would've turned out if he wasn't having the lord slam-dunked down the gullet 24/7 as a child.
But yeah, anyways, just bearing some news! He's out! Good for him, glad he was able to be himself finally.
I remember Matthew Mattney from Branson! My mom even bought a cassette from him. I couldn't stand listening to it, myself. His version of Hey! Good Lookin' was just way to corny for my brain to handle.
ReplyDeletePlease, god, can we please make it our mission to find this kid online? He has to be online, right?
ReplyDeleteOh man. Facebooked it and this guy looks alot like him...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1379407779&ref=search&sid=771300272.1792932364..1
Oh man, that last 20 seconds...*shudder*
ReplyDeleteHey, unzombies: that link is def. him. I checked the link for the church listed on his fb page, and it's a Branson church. Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteI love that gossip girl and lady gaga are listed in ihis pages
ReplyDeleteSTUART ANDERSON RULZ 4 LYFE!!!!11!!!
ReplyDeleteSee? This is what happens when you let children under 60 into Branson.
ReplyDeleteWARNING!!
ReplyDeleteA Jerry Watch is in full effect!
Pretty sweet EIT!
What's going on with the sound? I was getting the same high-pitched squeal with the Klassic Kommercials.
ReplyDeleteI'm still enjoying... but it's hurting my ears, just a tad.
He's a fan of not just Gossip Girl and Gaga, but also of musicals, Glee, SYTYCD, Kristin Wiig, Mamma Mia, MIKA(!!), Britney, Kelly Clarkson, and Beyoncé. Basically his facebook fan pages are a one-man "Things Suburban Gays Like."
ReplyDeleteWhich goes to prove, I guess, that dressing your little boy up in Fancy costumes and encouraging him to make broad theatrical hand gestures will, in fact, turn your child gay.
Then again, he's also a fan of "TwoIgnite" which i just googled and... let's just say that it doesn't seem on cursory examination that they'd let MY gay-married ass into their "marriage ministry." So, while I hesitate to draw any conclusions, I do encourage Matt to vacation in San Francisco this summer. And leave the wife at home.
Thanks for that wiki link, Robert. Now I'm off to find me a copy of the Ethel Merman Disco Album.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh there's a movie too...
ReplyDelete"Heaven On Earth"
Is that "Bob" from "Twin Peaks" in the boat with him?
ReplyDeleteDoes he know that his father is a child molester?
ReplyDeleteAll Heil the King!
ReplyDelete"Ah shure do love pretty girls!"
ReplyDeleteYeah right.
He has the Shirley Temple faces/mannerisms down pat!
Duane could eat that kid for breakfast.
ReplyDeleteLOL at the "child abuse" tag!
ReplyDelete"He has the Shirley Temple faces/mannerisms down pat!"
If only he could sing...
I agree with Grrg; I saw "Mika" and shit a brick.
ReplyDeleteThat dude needs to click his ruby slippers and get the hell out of Branson.
I friended him on FB and downloaded some of the better pics on his page.
ReplyDeleteHere they are...enjoy!
http://s772.photobucket.com/albums/yy2/filmclip/
He looks like a gay white version of William Hung now that he is grown up.
ReplyDeleteI am friends with matt. He isn't gay. And he has more talent than any of you will EVER have... and that was just when he was five! You all need to grow up and get a freaken life, or a girlfriend... or even a blow-up doll if you can't get either of those. Now stop stalking people and go back to playing "sim's on-line."
ReplyDeleteoh awesome, the commenter who intends to save the internet from objectivity and act as our conscience. i wasn't even going to comment. now its time to gang up on the protective friend. protective friend is ____. (ITT: fill in the blank.)
ReplyDelete~anon
Oh, no. The Internet has no desire to attack the anonymous defender of former child star Matt Mattney of Branson. (Which presupposes, it must be pointed out, that suspicions of homosexuality are "attacks" that must be "defended" against, which they are categorically not.) The Internet, as strange as it may sound, is actually somewhat worried about Matt Mattney of Branson; worried that he may possibly be in contact with soi-disant "friends" who in fact would reject the fullness of Matt's humanity, and who would actively work in the secular courts to deny Matt's constitutionally-guaranteed civil rights. Most of all, the Internet fears that these malignant forces may be lying to him, again and again, about Jesus Christ's true plan for his life, which (the Internet only suspects) involves a sacred, holy, and sacramental union with another gay man.
ReplyDeleteActually now that the Internet looks back on it, maybe that WAS an attack on Matt Mattney of Branson's anonymous "defender." Sorry. The whole Prop 8 meshugas has got the Internet a little worked up lately.
On third thought, though, SERIOUSLY how in-the-closet could Matt Mattney of Branson possibly even BE? I mean LOOK AT HIM.
(We love you, Matt Mattney of Branson! love, the Internet)
TO EVERYONE WHO POSTS HERE:
ReplyDeleteMatthew Matney is not gay. Believe me, I know him personally. Admittedly, he does give off that vibe, what with his interests and manner and such. But try asking some people who ACTUALLY KNOW HIM what he's truly like...he is pretty gosh dang hot in real life, and Lord, can he sing. He is perfection in motion when he dances. He is incredibly sweet and such a gentleman, and you all would not believe how many girls in this area WAAAANT him!!
I implore all of you wonderful people not to succumb to the shallowness of this generation by believing and assuming things about everything you see on the internet.
Whoa, calm down Clarissa Explains It All.
ReplyDeleteAnyone saying he is gay is obviously not basing that on any known facts about him. It's the internet, where anyone and everything is open to ridicule whether it be fact or fiction.
Holy crap, found his Facebook:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Edward-Matney/1379407779
Apparently he acts now
http://m.bransontrilakesnews.com/mobile/entertainment/article_b103d5e6-8066-11e2-bf95-0019bb2963f4.html
ReplyDeleteSURPRISE!!! Guess what, y'all? Matt's out of the closet. You guessed it, yep, he's gay!
ReplyDeleteThe previous assertions of "HE AIN'T GAY!," probably contributed to the poor dude having to wait so long to come out of the closet, which is a bummer.
The child abuse tag is definitely appropriate. Who knows how he would've turned out if he wasn't having the lord slam-dunked down the gullet 24/7 as a child.
But yeah, anyways, just bearing some news! He's out! Good for him, glad he was able to be himself finally.