One minute into this, I felt a hot ball of energy building inside me. I'm urgently - no, manically - spreading the word that it's time for cat massage.
I'm an old age pensioner and I have no living heir. I was going to leave my fast fortune to The Church but now that I have seen this video I am now going to leave it to a Cat Home. I'm ringing my lawyers right now. Thank you Blog. PS You look like my Fred. Are you Fred? Fred, have you seen my slippers?
Replace 'cat' with man, replace 'massage' with jackoff, and replace 'tail' with penis and watch the whole thing.
"A man's penis is his badge of honor, so let's not neglect it. Simply start from the base of the rump, rubbing your way out, and follow it to it's natural conclusion."
"Drooling. In this case a drooler is not a person who specializes in rings and watches, it's a man who's so wrapped up in enjoying a jerk off, that he forgets to swallow, and then he drools. Silly as this may sound, this is a very expressive and unconscious way of approval. Remember, you can't fool drool."
Why does this exist? This banal tripe is astonishingly tragic. I have a cat. I enjoy him. He is well loved and certainly experiences proper tactile interactions. I do not, nor should anyone need an instructional video to improve the experience.
Videos like this make it clear that we are too comfortable in life and that things need to get a bit harder - to bring out the best in us - because this is not the best.
Great video. "If your right handed, use your right. If your left handed, use your left, and if your right handed try your left and vice-versa." Hilarious
I've always wondered exactly how to give my cat a full body sensual massage. This is going to do wonders for our sex life!
ReplyDeleteI really loved that one.
ReplyDelete"Who's the best cat in the United States? It's you, Champer-Damper, it's you!"
ReplyDeleteFFS Get a life woman !!!
ReplyDeleteCongress, please approve "death panels" for cat-ladies.
ReplyDeleteSay what you will, but I bet that woman gives one hell of a hand job.
ReplyDeleteOne minute into this, I felt a hot ball of energy building inside me. I'm urgently - no, manically - spreading the word that it's time for cat massage.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple of times I'm convinced she must have forgotten she was filming a video...
ReplyDeleteIf I were a cat owner, I'd tell my cat it was the best in the WORLD. I guess she was just showing her patriotism.
ReplyDeleteRemember, you can't fool drool!
ReplyDeleteRight down to the Chinny chin chin.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly the problem, he'll start DEMANDING cat massage.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah cats have it so fucking hard. Show me the video that trains my cat to give me a massage ( If whips are necessary then so be it).
ReplyDeletethis video doubled my pleasure
ReplyDeleteI'm an old age pensioner and I have no living heir. I was going to leave my fast fortune to The Church but now that I have seen this video I am now going to leave it to a Cat Home. I'm ringing my lawyers right now.
ReplyDeleteThank you Blog.
PS You look like my Fred. Are you Fred? Fred, have you seen my slippers?
I really think someone needs to do a remix of that...
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I doubt that cat is even the best in the US. ;)
In the pauses - is that where her cat gets it revenge?
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see her try it on with my cat.
jeweller - drooler. I see what she did there.
ReplyDelete"drool is good. . . it's when they forget to swallow"
ReplyDeleteif they forget to swallow what's the point?
Funny. Almost too funny funny. Yet not too much funny.
ReplyDeletecannot. stop. watching. this.
ReplyDeletepetting is definitely passe!
ReplyDeleteits like, she has the traditional "fat look", but she isn't.
ReplyDeletei guess once your an established cat masseuse, you can pretty much look however you want...
BUTT-HORN!!!!!
ReplyDeleteReplace 'cat' with man, replace 'massage' with jackoff, and replace 'tail' with penis and watch the whole thing.
ReplyDelete"A man's penis is his badge of honor, so let's not neglect it. Simply start from the base of the rump, rubbing your way out, and follow it to it's natural conclusion."
"Drooling. In this case a drooler is not a person who specializes in rings and watches, it's a man who's so wrapped up in enjoying a jerk off, that he forgets to swallow, and then he drools. Silly as this may sound, this is a very expressive and unconscious way of approval. Remember, you can't fool drool."
bellyrama!...
ReplyDeleteI own this on VHS. My mother bought it for my boyfriend and cats. Cringe.
ReplyDeleteeeewwww, she makes it sounds so gross...
ReplyDeleteHaha perfection!!!
ReplyDeleteThat was painful, and hilarious, to watch, well found!
ReplyDeleteI tried out the breast stroke on hendrix and she really loved it! I've already been working on slowing down, so I'm glad to see that's right.
I mean, I think we can take her for an expert, obviously.
Ah sarcasm, has any generation ever cultivated it better than ours?
Just as I was starting to wonder if Champion really was enjoying his cat massage, 2:36 rolled around.
ReplyDeleteWow...that was, "special" :)
ReplyDeletetwo hands, no lube...
ReplyDeleteI feel shame.
ReplyDeleteThank you all
ReplyDeletefor watching and enjoying
my "Cat Massage" DVD.
There's also "Dog Massage"
and it's even better.
Maryjean Ballner
www.catanddogmassage.com
Cat & Dog Massage Books & DVDs
maryjean@catanddogmassage.com
The phrase "double your pleasure, double your fun" should really not be in a cat massage video.
ReplyDeleteDear Christ, it's like the worst of every cat lady stereotype there is. Someone get this woman a man.
ReplyDeleteif i would be jesus, i would shit in your superstitious faces!
ReplyDeletethere is nothing more dirty then the thoughts of insane moralists.
you are mind and soul terrorists....
i know why the world is terrible in your eyes, because you and your thoughs are.
all is one, no matter how hard you try to separate it.
your god is money, power and control....
mine is love!
SHAME ON YOU
Dear MaryJean:
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero.
Thanks for leaving a comment! Now we know where to buy the DVD! My order form will be coming soon!
Tell Champ I said HI!
Why does this exist? This banal tripe is astonishingly tragic. I have a cat. I enjoy him. He is well loved and certainly experiences proper tactile interactions. I do not, nor should anyone need an instructional video to improve the experience.
ReplyDeleteVideos like this make it clear that we are too comfortable in life and that things need to get a bit harder - to bring out the best in us - because this is not the best.
Love the site. <3
i dont know who has a worse life between the cat and the lady
ReplyDeleteGreat video. "If your right handed, use your right. If your left handed, use your left, and if your right handed try your left and vice-versa." Hilarious
ReplyDelete"Slow down, your moving too fast.."
ReplyDeleteThat say's alot about life and cat massage.
in this case a druler isnt' someone who specialises in watches an jewlry
ReplyDeleteDammit, I want a frigging back rub now.
ReplyDeleteWas she really serious about that drooler/jeweller bit?
ReplyDeleteI think the UK should adopt a terror alert system based on whiskers.
ReplyDelete1 Whisker: Normal, no need for concern.
2 Whiskers: There is reason to believe some terrorist active might be afoot but we dont believe an attack in imminent.
3 Whiskers: We have reason to believe a terrorist attack might come soon. Everyone should keep their eyes open and be prepared for trouble.
4 Whiskers: Major Whisker Alert.
5 Whiskers: The day we have feared the most has arrived. Fight to the death!