A few weeks ago, we found out our video, Stranger Danger, was nominated for a Gummy Award by the good people at Stereogum and Videogum. While we didn't start EIT to win awards (we did it for the money), we are going to do everything we can to win. So here's a classy, prestige trailer that should win over any undecideds that have yet to vote for us multiple times.
Now that you've seen how amazing our video is, let's talk about how awful the other nominees are. Just look at the FACTS!
Kittens Inspired By Kittens - A cute little girl AND kittens? This is such obvious Gummy bait.
Gathering Of The Juggalos Infomercial - We all know ICP is going to win all the music categories anyway, so let's spread the wealth, motherfackoos.
Best Guy Ever, Singing & Smoking In The Shower - Sure, this guy SAYS he's drunk, but where's the proof?
Pumpkin Head Dance - Wake up, America! The local news is just using Pumpkin Head Dances to lure you into watching human interest stories about lifestyle coaches.
The Breakfast Song - If there is no breakfast in heaven, then heaven does not exist.
Bangs: Take U 2 Da Movies - Bangs CLAIMS he wants to take U 2 da movies, but has anyone ACTUALLY been taken 2 da movies by Bangs? No.
Between Two Ferns With Charlize Theron - Being an Oscar winner isn't enough for you, Charlize Theron? Don't let these Hollywood celebrities come into our internet and steal our hard-blogged awards.
Ultimate Muscle Roller Legend - This video completely glosses over how dangerous it is to use your lover as a vehicle in high speed chases. Also, kids, I know they are really popular now but you should really think about how your baby face crotch laser is going to look when you're sixty.
JK Wedding Dance - FAKE! Totally fake.
California Woman At Assembly - This video is from 2008 which was months ago. It is completely out of touch with the internet of today.
Cleveland Tourism Video - What this tourism video fails to tell you is the REAL reason they want you to visit: so they can burglarize your home while you are in Cleveland.
Keyboard Cat - Keyboard "Cat" is REALLY a dog...and he's a racist!
Business Card Guy Teaches Us How To Pack - 20 MINUTES LONG!?! Nice try, grandpa.
Costume Shop Lady Hijacks Local News Interview - Do you really want to give an internet award to a DERANGED CRIMINAL charged with cyberstalking? That's Stranger Danger 101, people.
Microsoft Songsmith Commercial - It might seem like fun to ironically give an award to Microsoft and tell them how "cool" their "viral" video was, but deep down Microsoft will know you're making fun of it. It's not funny; it's just mean.
The Shake Weight - I don't get this one.
Winkers - This video has absolutely nothing to offer the flat-assed voting demographic.
Kids Play Folsom Prison Blues The Darndest Things - Rewarding this little girl is just going to push her parents to teach her harder country songs about more violent murders.
Keenan, The Lip-Sync Kid - This kid is ACTUALLY singing. FAKE!
As you can see from this list of character assassinations, Stranger Danger is clearly the most qualified and deserving nominee. If you are still not convinced, read all of this again and remember, there is only one nominated video that actively prevents alien child molestation. You don't want to ENCOURAGE alien child molestation, do you?
Go here to make the right choice for Stranger Danger. While you're there, feel free to put us down for Best Movie and Best New Act, too, what the hell. Voting ends Wednesday at 6PM EST. It's down to the wire so we need everybody to vote, change computers, shave your beard into a mustache, and then vote again. LET'S SAVE THOSE KIDS!
You're kidding, right?
ReplyDeleteWell my votes are in.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck EIT
..... Indie Crush goes to Future Schlock.
My dad made this, er, award-nominated film. He founded a company to create "edu-tational" films for the kids.
ReplyDeleteI shared the Everything Is Terrible link with him, much to his embarrassment. But he was so proud of it at the time! This song was written by G.E. Smith of the SNL band and his wife.
Sadly, unlike many EIT creations, this music-video segment required little to no editing to make you feel like you are going insane.
If you think this clip is awesome-tacular, you should see the one where Alan Thicke and a flying tooth terrorize the alien in his dreams (and this, I promise, is not a lie).
I'm kind of disappointed he didn't mention Duane by name.
ReplyDeleteOh, nevermind. He did^
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